Definition dating partner

This applies to define computer dating - if it different people, then our online dating noun and synonym dictionary from. Here are looking for someone new partner and examples. However, and 2013. An online dating. Doting definition dating catfish definition dating definition: matches to define modern dating - find lots of actual commitments. Define partner. partner synonyms, partner pronunciation, partner translation, English dictionary definition of partner. n. 1. One that is united or associated with another or others in an activity or a sphere of common interest, especially: a. A member of a business... Dating is tricky. There are all sorts of unspoken rules about what it means to be casually dating, exclusively dating, or in a relationship, which can make it unnecessarily confusing for figuring out where you and your (potential) partner stand.Deciding how to DTR, or 'define the relationship,' requires answering the most daunting question of 21st-century life: 'What are we?' What exclusive dating really means isn't so clear. Experts explain the signs and difference between dating exclusively and being in an actual relationship. According to 42 USCS § 13925 (7), the term dating partner “refers to a person who is or has been in a social relationship of a romantic or intimate nature with the abuser, and where the existence of such a relationship shall be determined based on a consideration of-- A form of romantic courtship typically between two individuals with the aim of assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The result of dating may at any time lead to friendship, any level of intimate relationship, marriage, or no relation. Who is a Partner? Simply put, a dating “partner” refers the person you’re in a relationship with. A healthy partner is: • Respecting • Trustworthy • Honest • Dependable • Supportive Whether you’re in a long-term, committed relationship or looking for casual dating experiences, you can still experience abuse.

i (21 they/them) want to fix things but i think i can feel my partner (21 they/them) all but falling out of love

2020.09.23 19:20 curseofworms i (21 they/them) want to fix things but i think i can feel my partner (21 they/them) all but falling out of love

(incredibly long post) (tw brief mention of assault and brief mention of false allegations of just about every bad thing) there's no easy or short and simple way to describe the shared trauma and upset my partner and i have been through. i'll try to without divulging too much unnecessary personal and upsetting information: i had seen my partner's break up with their ex on social media because their ex and i followed each other on multiple social media sites because we had similar interests and i liked their music. (when i met my partner i didn't know they were my mutual's ex ) even though they agreed to be friends and stay on good terms almost immediately after they broke up my partner's ex publicly threatened suicide stating their break up and an incident with another person where my partner's ex was assaulted by another person that they blamed on the break up with my partner as reason. a few days later they started posting about my partner and even made cruel music very obviously about my partner. my partner reached out to them and expressed their discomfort in what their ex was posting and said that they didn't want to maintain a friendship any longer. i don't know the details perfectly because this was nearly 2 years ago but this ended up causing my partner's ex to blow up on my partner on social media and in private and they stopped speaking. i unfollowed my partner's ex on that site but remained following them on others because they didn't post about the break up at all and the situation seemed unsettling then. my partner's ex and i were mutuals on social media and they saw me interact online with my partner in the early stages of our relationship, never anything confirming our romantic relationship just friendly interaction, but never said anything until they saw a photo of us together for the first time and said "hiiii [my partner's name] lol" and we spoke a bit about how we knew each other and when they said that they had dated a few years back i said "we're dating actually" and from then on the conversation turned sour. they said "yeah well they didn't treat me right in the end. they broke up with me because they said they couldn't feel romantic attraction to anyone actually" and a string of other messages saying that i seem nice but they were going to block me because anyone associated with my partner made them uncomfortable and i could tell from how quickly they changed their tune plus how fast they had responded that my partner dating someone else upset them. i was shocked & a bit uncomfortable from the interaction but i carried on with the project i had been working on before the conversation only to start receiving multiple message notifications from my partner saying that they're sorry it's out of nowhere and that they don't know how their ex could know they were dating anyone but that they had started to contct them via text, email & instagram dm's again and said that their breakup was really bad and traumatic. my partner sent me screenshots of the things their ex had sent them, multiple emails and texts and dm's less than 5 minutes after i had the uncomfortable interaction with them, one is permanently etched into my memory "oh so you're seeing someone now? you can't feel romantic attraction to anyone huh? god you're pathetic you're such a liar shskskskk". nothing they said prepared me for what would later become one of the worst 9 months of my life. it's an exhausting series of events. over the next few months my partner's ex took to a social media site where they had multiple thousands of followers (this was when i recognized that i had seen their break up and how manipulatively and horribly my partner's ex handled it) and first accused my partner of having a "racial fetish" and saying that they and i sharing similar features: large eyes, heart shaped face, small nose & dainty lips, but that's about it... especially because they're native& white and have fair skin and i'm hispanic&native&black and i have light skin features but i certainly am not white or white passing. the first post was essentially "my ex is dating someone who looks exactly like me and they told me they couldn't feel romantic attraction to anyone and i knew they had a racial fetish and i hate them". there wasn't much to the second post besides vague and ranting without a steady course besides "i hate my ex, here's a situation where they told me something stupid and insensitive after we broke up but ultimately not harmful but i fucking hate them for it". my partner's ex would edit the post frequently, adding or taking away information and accusations and going into "details" about these accusations only to remove it from the narrative completely in the next update of the post. after a few updates to the post i felt afraid and upset by the amount of hateful messages i had already gotten from people who looked through my partner's social media accounts and found out that i was their new partner and decided being associated with them was good enough reason to send me death threats. a combination of seeing my partner's ex change the story over and over and paint my partner as someone perverted and uncaring and evil plus them essentially sending people to harass us after themself harassing my partner in those emails and texts and dm's. i sent them a message saying that i understand what it's like to be hurt and angry and confused after a break up but that wasn't an excuse to take it out on my partner and i and that what they thought was righteous "revenge" and an outlet for their anger at my partner for lying to them about why they had broken up with them and maybe even for breaking up with them in the first place had real consequences on mine and my partner's lives and mental health. they responded horribly, said that i deserve to be abused and r*ped but that they hoped i wouldn't be, brought up unrelated personal things about my partner to shame them and i responded by saying "yeah you're freaking me out, please see a therapist" and they took a screenshot of the conversation, cropped what they had said to me out, edited the post about my partner now accusing them of being: racist, a pedophile, a predator, a racial fetishist, a rapist and an overall irredeemable person. then they posted a new post with the cropped and out of context screenshots calling me out saying "my ex's new partner is harassing me!!" and they added the usernames of my social media accounts and my name. i know now that engaging with them was definitely the wrong move. the amount of messages i received calling me evil and a bitch and a rape apologist who didn't deserve to be alive was astonishing. over the next few weeks i couldn't log on to any social media without getting at least a handful of comments or messages or being tagged in posts "calling me out" and linking to my partner's ex's posts, that were still being edited occasionally with stupid things my partner drew and said when they were 17. people sent me screenshots of my partner's ex posting on all of their accounts (they had multipe accounts on each social media account) claiming i sent them death threats and harassed them and their girlfriend nonstop, all of which is untrue. my partner deleted their social media and we had broken up for a few months when they had started school again in the fall but had gotten back together on my birthday in early december and were together for a couple of months but then broke up again when the situation with their ex made their mental health completely unmanageable. there was too much stress and anxiety and fear and add on the fact that we were long distance while they were in school in another state and it was just too much. we got back together again in april, the day my beloved emotional support companion had to be put down. i never stopped having romantic feelings for them, there were times when we were broken up when we would still speak with such softness and love and once close to when we got back together for the first time they held my hand while out for a walk in the snow, they tripped on ice and i reached out for their arm to steady them and then i tripped and they reached for my arm to steady me and we stood still for a moment and they grabbed my hand and held on and gave it a squeeze like they always did and kept holding as we walked and said "this is like a dream" and i agreed and we let go. that was the night i realized i was in love with them. my entire body ached to be near them, i didn't want to let go of their hand and i wanted so badly to tell them how i felt. in the car on the way back to a mutual friend's house i couldn't stop looking at my partner and thinking "im in love with you i'm in love with you i'm in love with you". then we got back together a month or so later and they told me a week or so after that they were in love with me. we fell completely and totally in love over the next few months. they moved to the state where they go to school and we were officially full time long distance, no summer or winter or fall or spring breaks in our hometown anymore. i visited them for 8 days in july and it was wonderful. we bounced around the idea of me moving states to be closer to them at the end of the year and i said "why not!" because i'm currently in a less than favorable living situation and i don't have any attachment to my state besides my sisters, nephew and grandparents but i could always visit for holidays and keep in touch and it seemed like it could only be a positive experience, getting away from a toxic environment, having the ability to start a life all my own free to start on a clean foot and i'd be closer to the love of my life ! we hadn't been contacted by my partner's ex in months, they hadn't posted anything new or edited the original post at all but my partner had internalized the situation, they didn't know why this happened to them and questioned if maybe they deserved being falsely accused and demonized, their ex knew how to manipulate them and said things they knew would hurt my partner. i felt bad that i couldn't wash the situation from their brain, take away the damage it caused. my partner is the most gentle, kind and compassionate person i've ever met but they have incredibly low self esteem, i've never seen them be mean to anyone but themself. i started to fixate on the situation and would seek out viewing old screenshots of posts their ex made and would view their social media as a way to intentionally hurt and upset myself, a form of digital self harm. i kept it from my partner because i knew they'd tell me to stop but i couldn't stop obsessing over the situation, i had no outlet because it hurt my partner too much to talk to and i hated explaining it to new people and my friends had already heard all about it and i didn't want to keep talking about it to them, but i couldn't stop wanting to talk about it. i couldn't and can't afford to see a therapist and don't have insurance to see a therapist who would accept it. i was fixating on another situation too. when my partner and i had gotten back together in april they told me they had a fling with a friend (19F) that didn't last long and just consisted of kissing and conversation. it hurt, we had a fight. i felt like they had broken my trust somehow. i was secretly obsessed with not feeling good enough and obsessed with the hurt the situation made me feel and again i had no outlet. a few weeks ago i accidentally found the art account of the girl my parter had hung out with and kissed and i had found a new way to digitally self harm. she posted about my partner, said she was in love with them and that they linger in her poetry and that they are "the best thing to have ever happened" to her... i was livid because she made these posts knowing that my partner and i were together and that my partner and this girl hadn't spoken in months and in my anger i followed her account and posted about my partner knowing that because of the situation with their ex they didn't want anything about them posted on social media knowing that the girl would see it and that it would hurt her. i didn't like the feeling i got almost immediately after, i knew it was the wrong thing to do so i blocked the girl and deleted the post but it turned out to be too late, she saw the post and had actually sent a screenshot to my partner's sister. i felt humiliated and full of remorse and angry with myself for my actions. i regretted what i did and i tried to fix it almost immediately but my partner had found out and they were rightfully angry that i had disrespected a boundary they had set. i told them about how the girl had posted about them too, they said that was why their fling didn't last. she got over attached to my partner too quickly and idealized them immediately and it scared my partner and made them uncomfortable and they just didn't reciprocate the girl's feelings. i asked if they would tell her that what she posted made them uncomfortable and they immediately said that they wouldn't because of the similar situation with their ex. the situation with the girl plus the strain of being long distance plus my secret obsession with seeking out things that hurt and upset me plus the lingering damage and pain of the situation with my partner's ex added up and the tension and stress on our relationship started to become noticeable. a few weeks ago my partner and i were on the phone and they told me that i didn't make them happy (they later backtracked and said they weren't as happy in the relationship as they were before) and that they thought me moving closer was a bad idea. i cried all night and felt like someone was stepping on my chest. i knew it was my fault, when i would seek out upsetting information i would relay it to my partner and it would upset them. i didn't realize the damage i was doing until now. for the last week when we speak on the phone i can tell they are distant and i am too, sometimes we talk and we'll trail off into an uncomfortable silence. yesterday i sought out the girl's art account again and saw that she had started to lie about the depth of her relationship with my partner and had claimed they had a sexual relationship. i spoke to a trusted and reliable friend and decided that i had to come clean to my partner about how i have been fixating on these situations for a while because i know talking about it will be helpful in stopping this harmful behavior and i needed to put these situations behind me or my relationship would continue to be negatively affected. it upset them for me to bring up the situations again. they view it as them being the cause for my hurt and pain and use of digital self harm and said that they don't think me being with them should be worth it. i feel like we won't be able to work through these situations and i know it's my fault for not realizing the damage i was causing. i want to work through this but i can feel them growing more and more distant and i give them space and know they have work and school stress on top of the unbelievable stress that comes from these situations and i know these situations have tainted the way they view me and our relationship and i feel like they're about ready to throw in the towel and it hurts immeasurably. i don't know what to do and i'm seeking advice.
submitted by curseofworms to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 18:48 starkicker18 So You Want To Move to Norway: A Rough Guide To The Immigration Process (updated)

Important warning: Reddit is not an appropriate place to get accurate immigration information.
However, this is a common topic on this subreddit and to help direct people to the proper information, I have updated the previous post to address the most common questions. Please read the entire guide and use the links provided to see out answers to your specific questions. Any questions you may have that cannot be answered from this guide or the links provided cannot be answered by redditors on this sub and should therefore be directed to an appropriate immigration expert.
Disclaimer: I am not a professional; I neither work for UDI nor am I an immigration lawyer. I do have an interest in immigration law and have spent a lot of time studying and researching the rules and regulations. What follows is a rough guide only meant to serve as a starting point for the average redditor. With that said:

So You Want To Move To Norway....

Despite what movies might portray, moving abroad is not just a matter of packing bags and showing up. Immigration is usually a long, often expensive process and there are many criteria that you must meet to be legally resident in Norway. There are three general categories of permits that will allow you to remain in Norway beyond a regular tourist/visitor visa:

Temporary Residence Permit This is your first step. These permits are contingent on you/your reference person meeting certain requirements; are usually temporary; and will need to be renewed (usually yearly, some last longer). You must have this permit if you wish to remain in Norway beyond your visitor visa’s allowed time (ie: >90 days).
Permanent Residence Permit This can be applied for only if you have been legally living in Norway for three years (or more in some instances) with a residence permit that forms the basis of permanent residency; you meet the language requirements; and you have not been convicted of a criminal offence. This allows you to stay in Norway permanently (no need to renew).
Citizenship This is an optional step. You do not need to apply for citizenship; however, if you want to, you can qualify for Norwegian citizenship after a period of time (usually >7 years). This has many requirements, but the biggest is the language requirement. NB: While Norway has now allowed dual citizenship, your country of origin may not allow dual citizenship. NB: Norway does not do Citizenship based on heritage. One or both of your parents need to have citizenship (and not have given it up previously) in order for you to qualify for citizenship based on birth. There are a lot of complicated rules surrounding citizenship by birth. Use this to determine if you qualify for citizenship.

The remainder of this post will focus on the first residence permit (#1) since by the time you are ready for 2 or 3 you will be an immigration pro. How you qualify for immigration to Norway and how easy the process will be depends on a few factors

Immigration as an EU/EEA citizen:

If you are an EU/EEA citizen you have the right to reside in Norway for 3 months without any other obligations; after 3 months you will need to demonstrate that you are meeting your treaty rights. Those treaty obligations are:
NB: The last three require you to have sufficient funds to support yourself and your family and have comprehensive medical insurance for the duration of your stay.
The right of residence for longer than three months also extends to the EEA/EU citizen’s immediate family (spouse/partner, children, other dependents), regardless of their nationality, so long as the EU/EEA citizen is meeting their treaty obligations and neither the citizen nor the family member is a threat to public policy, security, or health. All of this is explained in the Directive on Free Movement.
It is important to note that people immigrating under this route do not qualify for the benefits found in the Introduction Law, which include, among other things, the right to free language lessons.

Immigrating as a Third-Country National (not from EU/EEA).

I am using an applicant from the US as the default here. Your rules may vary slightly depending on your nationality.
Your options for moving are not as simple or easy as above. You should consult UDI (Norwegian Immigration Board) or the Norwegian Embassy in your country for the most up-to-date information for your specific nationality.
Generally speaking you need a reason to be in Norway. These reasons are:
  1. Family member of a Norwegian national
  2. Family member of an EEA/EU national
  3. A worker
  4. An undergraduate or graduate student which has been discussed before.
  5. Protection (Asylum seeker). I will not spend time on this; it has its own complicated rules and I highly doubt anyone seeking asylum will be spending their time on reddit. If you are, I really recommend seeking out an immigration lawyer to help you with your application.

Family immigration with a Norwegian National

These are most often spouses/cohabitants, but may also include children or parents under some circumstances.
The process for application is relatively straightforward with a little bit of reading on UDI's website and some document gathering.
  1. You must pay the application fee,
  2. Document your identity (passport),
  3. Have a valid marriage licence/certificate,
  4. Have plans to live together in Norway,
  5. Not be in a marriage of convenience,
  6. You must both be 24 years old,
  7. Your spouse/partner must make above a minimum income threshold per year pre-tax (this number frequently changes. Check UDI’s site). They will need to demonstrate they made a sufficient amount the year before you apply and demonstrate that they are likely to have the same amount the following year. They will need to provide contract of employment, pay slips, and a tax assessment notice. Additionally, they must not have received financial assistance from NAV in the last 12 months.
There are other circumstances that may require additional documentation (ie: evidence of military service). Check UDI for all the documents you'll need.
Family members who are granted residence based on this route will qualify for free language classes as part of the introduction act (link above).
NB: the rules may change if you have lived with the Norwegian citizen legally in another EEA/EU country. If this is the case, you may be allowed to choose between family immigration under Norwegian national law or residence card as a family member of an EU citizen (see above). Also see the differences between the two immigration schemes here.
If you are engaged to a Norwegian you can apply for a fiancé permit which will allow you to come into Norway for the purposes of getting married in Norway. You must be married within 6 months. After you are married you will have to apply for family immigration with your spouse (process described above). You can read about getting married in Norway here.
Only some people can apply from Norway. Others will have to apply from their home country via the embassy or consulate. Make sure you check with UDI to learn whether you need to apply from home.

Workers

There are many types of working permits. UDI’s webpage will outline all the possibilities available to you but the most common are skilled worker and seasonal worker.
Skilled workers are those who:
Additionally, you must have received a concrete job offer from an employer in Norway, the job must normally be full-time (UDI will, at the time of writing, accept 80%), the job must have the same pay/conditions that is normal in Norway, and the job you are offered must require the qualifications as a skilled worker (and you must be qualified for the job).
If you do not fall into this category, you may qualify as a seasonal worker; however this route is considerably more difficult, usually temporary (<6 months), and your employer must prove that they cannot fill the position with a worker from Norway or the EEA/EU. You will need to be employed 100%, you will need a concrete job offer before you apply, and the job must be deemed season or holiday stand-in.
Those citizens who qualify as a skilled worker and who are coming from a country with a visa-free agreement with Norway you may be allowed to come to Norway as a skilled job seeker.
NB: You cannot work while you are searching for a job. This means that once you have a concrete job offer, you will need to apply for a residence permit as a worker and you cannot start working until your application has been approved.
It is very advantageous to have a grasp on the Norwegian language before you arrive. There are some fields which may accept a lower proficiency in Norwegian; however, these careers are few and far between and knowledge of the local language will help with both applying for jobs and acclimatizing to living in Norway.
Some international companies may post workers in Norway. You will still need a resident permit for workers; however, many companies will help with this process.
submitted by starkicker18 to Norway [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 18:08 BumblebeeCactus Emotional first aid kit

Hello everyone! This is my first post anywhere on reddit! A bit of backstroy- my partner and I have been dating for a year and from the beginning I knew she was poly. It was something I had given some thought to but then I encountered some trauma (which I have since gone to therapy for) and poly thoughts sat on the back burner. When we got together I figured "yea, I can do that. I've thought about exploring polyamory, let's give it a try" there were and still are some challenges that we face, but overall, our communication is amazing (definitely the best I've ever had in any relationship) and I feel confident in our relationship. She has other people she is involved with and there are like 1 or 2 that I sometimes cuddle with. When she is out with her other parners I really struggle with just living my life and not spinning in circles about missing her and wanting her to be with me/wanting to be with her... I saw the term "Emotional First Aid Kit" some where and I was wondering if you guys had any ideas on what should be in one? How do I focus on myself and the things I need to get done without the anxiety and fears of abondonment just locking me down? It's not as intense as it first was and meeting her other partners helps TONS but it's still there....
These are things I've discussed in therapy as well, but I'm curious to see ya'lls advice!
submitted by BumblebeeCactus to polyamory [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 17:37 Blu3_Flaming0 The more I learn about the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, the more I am questioning what I thought I knew about myself.

A little background: I'm a 30-something cis-woman in a long term traditional het partnership. I am not interested in exploring new relationships, so part of me feels like maybe digging into this is pointless. But there is a nagging voice inside me that wants to understand myself and my place in the world, so here I am.
I am in long term recovery from alcoholism / addiction. When I was actively drinking and using, I engaged in quite a few same-sex hook-ups, and even dipped my toes into the idea of same-sex dating, but it only happened when I was drinking / using, and ultimately I only really led those girls on, it wasn't something I was actually willing to commit to. Part of me thinks it was about a sense of power or ego, it made me feel some kind of way to be sexually attractive to anyone, regardless of gender. I'm not proud of any of what happened in those days.
When I got sober, which was over a decade ago now, I was in a committed het relationship. We married and had kids. It's all fine. I definitely know I am attracted to men, and have no qualms about my partner, our sex life is healthy. I had it in my mind that I was actually straight and the encounters I engaged in were a manifestation of the chaos of addiction. I don't really have any guilt or shame about sexuality, I have always been pretty out of the mainstream in most areas of my life... the shame I have is in emotionally manipulating or taking advantage of other people, hurting them emotionally. Now that I have some time and distance between the wreckage of the past and who I am today, I'm looking more closely at all of this and trying to sort through it with a new lens.
I sometimes think about what would happen if I wasn't with my partner forever, and was thrust back into the dating scene after over a decade of monogamy. I have considered if I would date only men, or if I would be open to dating women. I hope this doesn't come across offensive to anyone - I've also spent time reading about transphobia in dating and asked myself how open I would personally be if I found out someone I was attracted to was trans, and ultimately realized I would be pretty open, it's just new territory. But I don't necessarily have the *same* feeling about other genders & bodies, sexually, as I do about cis-men. Maybe that's just a familiarity thing? I worry that I would ultimately just lead someone on though - that I wouldn't be able to commit to a non het relationship. That's internalized homophobia / transphobia, though, right? And I'm asking myself this as a litmus test of true bi/pan-sexuality, not because I would actually like to be in a different relationship - so it's all hypothetical anyway.
THEN - I read through some unfamiliar terminology online... things like, bi-romantic. That really resonates. I love the idea of kissing and romantic affection with women, where I feel less enthusiastic about sexual encounters. So maybe that's what's going on here? I don't feel the same sexual response to same-sex porn, for example... but is that because I'm not bi-sexual or because I'm het-norm conditioned?
I don't know 100% what I'm asking - I guess I just appreciate having somewhere to share these thoughts and get this off my chest. I don't plan on leaving my relationship or acting on any of these thoughts, so I'm not sure how important it is to really "figure it out". Plus, I've never felt I was part of the LGBTQIA+ community, though I hope to always act in allyship. I know I've had sex with women, but somehow that has never made me feel "less straight"... looks sort of ridiculous written out, though. So what does life look like as a potentially bi/pan romantic/sexual/curious woman that has never identified as LGBTQIA+, living in a cis-het relationship?
submitted by Blu3_Flaming0 to LGBTQuestion [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 17:35 Broadbeck7 Lost Season Ranking (Very Long)

In light of the recent 16th anniversary, and having finished my Lost rewatch, here’s my ranking of the Lost seasons.
  1. Season 2: To me, S2 was a good season but also the most pointless in the series. The problems arise from this season’s plot lines, which despite their importance, don’t really add anything long lasting to the show, such as the new characters. Ana Lucia and Libby, despite having so much prominence placed on them, are introduced and killed in a few episodes. These deaths feel like wasted potential, especially Libby’s, due to her relationship with Hurley and lack of a flashback episode. Eko is an awesome character but also just feels so short lived, as he is killed almost straight away in S3. Desmond is also great, but he only shows up at the beginning and end of the season, making him feel more like a plot device to introduce and destroy the Swan. Similarly, this season makes its main cast the most unlikable out of any season; Michael kills two people to save Walt, Sawyer nearly becomes a villain with his con to get the guns, (which doesn’t even matter since the guns are retrieved by the end of the season), Charlie becomes unstable, (and though he had good intentions, he just seems crazy towards Claire), and Locke seems like an asshole in his interactions with Charlie, (refusing to listen to him, even though Charlie comes to him for help). The love triangle is in full force, Claire only talks about her baby, Shannon is killed just as she becomes really likable, and Jack is definitely at his most angry. The Swan Hatch, despite being built up to since S1, is also gone from the show by the end of the season, before we really spent any time there. That’s not to say I don’t like this season, as it introduces a lot of really cool elements, such as the Swan and the Pearl, as well as giving the Others a much larger role, via Henry Gale. I also love Jack and Locke’s interactions, and they have probably the best exchanges in this season out of the whole series. Overall though, with so much time spent on the Tail-Section Survivors and the Hatch, only for them to be killed and the Hatch blown up, it feels like the show went in circles and was mostly back to square one.
  2. Season 5: S5 is a very mixed bag for me, as there is a lot I love and a lot I don’t. For the first half of the season, the time-skip storyline was excellent. I loved Sawyer’s development, as he truly becomes a hero in this season. His romance with Juliet was also very well done, and their chemistry was very believable in just a couple of episodes. The time-travel aspect was also so fun to watch, seeing them hop around into the past and future, and I really like how their actions were always meant to happen, and that they couldn’t change the future, despite their attempts. However, I didn’t like the Oceanic Six story. It just didn’t feel like the same caliber of writing to me as the time-traveling story was, and it just seemed like the show was trying to get the survivors back to the Island as fast as possible. A lot of the storylines set up in S4 felt like they had just been rushed or kind of forgotten, such as Kate’s trial sentence that said she had to stay in state, yet in S5, she’s able to take a flight to Guam, without much thought about the potential ramifications. For the second half, the DHARMA storyline was excellent. Seeing how the Oceanic Six’s arrival causes Sawyer and Co.’s new life to be interrupted and fall apart was really well done, and I really like the paradoxical nature of how the Incident comes to be, where in the process of stopping it, they actually cause it. I didn’t really care for the 2007 Island story though. It just didn’t have as many characters to truly root for, as the Ajira passengers just weren’t as interesting as the Oceanic ones. The Locke twist of being the MIB was pretty cool, but this storyline only felt like set-up for S6. Overall, S5 juggles a lot of great ideas, specifically through time travel, and almost feels like the exact opposite of S1, such as Jack taking Locke’s role as a man of faith, or Sawyer taking Jack’s role as leader. Unfortunately, the season is just brought down by any storyline not focused on time travel and feels very uneven in structure.
  3. Season 4: S4 has a lot of great moments throughout its run, however, I do have my problems with it. Firstly, the structure of the season is really messy. This was technically out of the creators hands, due to the writer’s strike, but the season feels too short. The survivors meet the freighter crew, form a small bond of trust with them, and then immediately try to leave the Island, after Keamy shows up. It just seems like there needed to be more content in the middle, as some plot points are completely dropped, such as “Don’t trust the captain”, even though Gault is the most trustworthy and caring person on the freighter. Secondly, I also think the season’s short length caused a lot of characters to be pushed to the sideline. Besides the initial discovery of Charlie’s death, we barely get any time with Claire or how she feels now that Charlie is gone, especially since they were effectively dating in S3, so it’s just a shame that Claire gets such a minor role, especially since we won’t see her again until S6. Similarly, we barely get anytime spent with Danielle, Alex, and Karl, despite their storylines having been converging since S1. Despite these problems, I love the Oceanix Six storyline, and seeing the survivors react to their lives off the Island. The freighter was a really great locale that felt suitably spooky and grim, the freighter crew, though in minor roles, are all very fun, and I loved Michael’s redemption arc, since Michael had been one of my favorite characters in S1. I think S4’s main problems were just the writer’s strike, but despite these problems, it’s still one of the more exciting seasons on the show.
  4. Season 3: My main problem with S3 is its slow start, though I understand why it feels slow. Rather than being one main narrative with different drama every episode, S3 is mostly two concurrent storylines, one focusing on the Others on Hydra Island and the Barracks, while the other focuses on the survivors back at the beach, meaning all the characters are scattered, however, the positive to this is that both storylines merge into one in the back half, in the best stretch of episodes in Lost history imo, with an excellent finale. I do think most of the flashbacks are stale by this point for the pre-existing characters, but the overall story is great. Charlie’s redemption after S2, being partnered up with Desmond as his prophetic guardian, is my second favorite partnership after Jack and Locke, and Charlie’s sacrifice is very emotional. The formal introduction of Ben and Juliet are both excellently done and the character growth in S3 is really well done to set up the back half of the show. Say what you will about Nikki and Paulo, I loved their story. I didn’t like how they were so suddenly introduced into the show, but their over the top diamond thief storyline was so fun to watch, and their deaths actually served as vital parts for the character growth of multiple people, like Sawyer. Overall, very slow start to the season, but a great middle and final act to bring it all together.
  5. Season 6: What I like the most about S6 is its balance of character and lore. S5 had some great character moments, but it felt too consumed by its plot, and was less about the individuals. S6 feels the most like S1 out of any of the seasons, mainly returning to the conflict of Good Vs. Evil, and the rivalry with the Others, though it’s now flipped, as the Others are the good guys and “Locke” is the villain. We get to see so many awesome revelations about the Island and it’s history, primarily through the stories of Jacob, Richard, and the MIB, as well as cool new locations, like the Temple and the Heart of the Island. As for the characters, Jack was definitely my favorite, seeing his transformation into a man of faith completed. I’ve always liked Jack from the beginning, but he was always too stubborn and hot-headed for his own good, so to see him mellow out and follow his destiny, as basically the new Locke, was really great, and his death, alongside the triple deaths of Sayid, Sun, and Jin were completely heartbreaking. I have a couple of problems with the season, mainly that some of the side-characters feel a little underutilized, like Ilana and Frank. I also think the Flash-Sideways slows down the pacing of the season, however, I really loved this afterlife storyline. The Flash-Sideways didn’t feel too openly religious, more like showing that the love and bonds these people formed with one another on the Island allowed them to reunite after death and move on as a family. I found that really touching and it provided a wonderful happy ending to the show, giving these worn down characters some well-deserved peace.
  6. Season 1: This season introduced us to all the iconic characters we would come to know throughout the series, and I still think it’s the best ensemble out of all the seasons. Even with the Smoke Monster, and the Others, this season just feels so grounded and gritty, but still fun and charming, and I love how most of the season is just them trying to survive on this Island. The buildup to the Hatch door’s destruction, and Walt being taken is so good, and Boone’s death always makes me emotional. I also love the initial mysteries it poses, and seeing all these people brought together onto a place with so much complex history. This is Lost at its most simple and I think that’s why it works so well. In my mind, Lost has always been more about the characters, rather than the story they inhabit, which since S1 is so driven by all these unique and interesting people, it’s personally Lost at its most exciting. Though I think there’s some pacing issues in the middle of the season, due to its long episode count, S1 has always excelled with its character dynamics and freshness that keeps you constantly hooked.
submitted by Broadbeck7 to lost [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 16:17 frankenberrylives Facebook AR/VR job postings w/OLED

FB AVR job listings
Display Optical Engineer -
At Facebook Reality Labs Hardware, we’re developing the future of Portal, virtual reality (VR) and augmented reality (AR) products. As a Display Optical Engineer, you will be a member of our Display and Optics organization, taking a lead in OLED optics architect to sets the technical goals, lead the development of leading-edge OLED optical designs & optimized metrology system for up-to-date product, and works with the current and evolving ecosystem to provide differentiating capabilities to our HW platforms. You will be part of a tight-knit group of highly talented engineers at the forefront of the innovation for AVP and portal products.
Display Optical Engineer Responsibilities
Minimum Qualifications
Preferred Qualifications
OLED Image Process Engineer -
At Facebook Reality Labs Hardware, we’re developing the future of Portal, virtual reality (VR) and augmented reality (AR) products. As an OLED Image Processing Engineer, you will be a member of our Display Hardware Team, taking a lead in executing display De-mura and De-burn in compensation of OLED display, and working with current and evolving ecosystem to provide differentiating capabilities to our HW platforms.You will be part of a tight-knit group of highly talented engineers at the forefront of the innovation for FB HW products (AVR, portal etc.).
OLED Image Processing Engineer Responsibilities
Minimum Qualifications
Preferred Qualifications
Display Validation Engineer -
Preferred Qualifications
submitted by frankenberrylives to eMaginCorp [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 16:11 AsthmaticAnxiety Jewish convert acceptance

I’m beginning my process of converting to modern Orthodox Judaism. I was raised in a non denominational Christian family, but my family is basically agnostic at this point (haven’t been to church in years).
I’m dating a Jewish guy who was raised in a pretty traditional Orthodox family. Our relationship has been so great (together for nine months), and we really get along. We had “the talk” about two months ago about how our relationship couldn’t progress since I’m not Jewish. We decided to keep hanging out in the end, but with the understanding that it can’t really be serious.
I have since started research for my conversion to Judaism. This is something I’ve wanted for a long time, long before I met this guy. I definitely want to convert for ME, and not for him or our relationship, though. I’ve always felt a connection to Judaism and have longed to convert.
I’ve found a rabbi that I like who would like to help me through the process. The issue is that he says I will need to either a) end things with my guy completely or b) my guy will need to go through the process with me (as a serious partner). I don’t think either of us are ready for option B just yet. But option A breaks my heart a bit. I really like this guy, might even love him, and we get along perfectly.
The rabbi also thinks that because of his family/background, that he/his family would never truly accept me. They are a small tight knit community. When we’ve discussed conversion, though, he’s told me that his family is open to conversion in their community.
I guess I’m just looking for more explanation of why we have to either break up or commit fully to one another for me to convert. Thanks for any responses!
submitted by AsthmaticAnxiety to Jewish [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 16:05 IllustriousProgram5 $SGMD ~ Sugarmade Takes Steps Toward Establishing Licensed Cannabis Cultivation in Northern California

Sugarmade Takes Steps Toward Establishing Licensed Cannabis Cultivation in Northern California
https://www.otcmarkets.com/stock/SGMD/news/Sugarmade-Takes-Steps-Toward-Establishing-Licensed-Cannabis-Cultivation-in-Northern-California?id=274950
NEW YORK, Sept. 23, 2020 (GLOBE NEWSWIRE) -- via NetworkWire – Sugarmade, Inc. (OTC: SGMD) (“Sugarmade” or the “Company”) is excited to announce the signing of a nonbinding Letter of Intent (the “LOI”) with LMK Capital, LLC (“LMK”). Sugarmade and LMK have agreed to work toward the negotiation of a definitive lease agreement for access to as much as 40 acres of property in Northern California. The Company intends to use 5 acres of the property to operate a regulated and licensed cannabis cultivation business. Jimmy Chan, Sugarmade’s chairman of the board, chief executive officer, chief financial officer and majority stockholder, is also majority owner of LMK.
“We continue to take strategic steps toward broadening our exposure to the growth trend in the cannabis market,” Chan commented. “We see this as a secular growth trend that is still very much in its early innings. And we believe our positioning in California puts us close to the current epicenter of that trend. In addition, we are committed to increasing verticalization of operations as a context for our investment in the BudCars cannabis delivery business. If we are able to finalize the lease, we expect that this could drive a substantial widening of margins on the growing volume of BudCars sales.”
Sugarmade has a 40% stake in BudCars, with the option to acquire an additional 30%. Because BudCars is a rapidly growing distribution channel, Sugarmade believes it will have a direct channel in the marketplace to establish its own branded cannabis product line, which can then be distributed through multiple distribution partners at premium pricing.
Sugarmade’s in-house analysis suggests that control over 5 acres of this property carries the potential to yield as much as 8,000 pounds (or more than 3,628,700 grams) of cannabis flower per year.
The LOI is nonbinding on the parties and there can be no assurance the parties will enter into a definitive lease agreement.
About Sugarmade, Inc. Sugarmade, Inc. (OTC: SGMD) is involved in the following two main business areas: (i) the supply of consumable products to the quick service restaurant subsector of the restaurant industry, and as an importer of nonmedical personal protection equipment to business and consumers, and (ii) investment in the Budcars licensed cannabis delivery service brand (“Budcars” or the “Budcars Brand”) and joint ownership and operation of Budcar’s first operating location in Sacramento, California. For more information, visit www.Sugarmade.com.
FORWARD-LOOKING STATEMENTS: This press release contains forward-looking statements within the meaning of the federal securities laws that involve risks and uncertainties. Forward-looking statements include statements the Company makes concerning plans, objectives, goals, strategies, future events, future revenues or performance, capital expenditures, financing needs and other information that is not historical information. When used herein, the words “estimates,” “expects,” “anticipates,” “projects,” “forecasts,” “plans,” “intends,” “believes,” “foresees,” “seeks,” “likely,” “may,” “might,” “will,” “should,” “goal,” “target” or “intends” and variations of these words or similar expressions (or the negative versions of any such words) are intended to identify forward-looking statements. All forward-looking statements are based upon information available to the Company on the date hereof. These forward-looking statements are subject to risks, uncertainties and other factors, many of which are outside of the Company’s control, that could cause actual results to differ materially from the results discussed in the forward-looking statements, including, among other things, the matters discussed herein. All forward-looking statements apply only as of the date of this press release and are expressly qualified in their entirety by the cautionary statements included herein. The Company undertakes no obligation to publicly update or revise forward-looking statements to reflect events or circumstances after the date made or to reflect the occurrence of unanticipated events, except as required by law.
Corporate Contact: Jimmy Chan +1-(888)-982-1628 [email protected]
Public Relations: Tiger Global Marketing & Branding Agency [email protected] www.TigerGMP.com
Corporate Communications: InvestorBrandNetwork (IBN) Los Angeles, California www.InvestorBrandNetwork.com 310.299.1717 Office [email protected]
submitted by IllustriousProgram5 to pennystocks [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 15:51 Lobster_Muffin My DemiAndPoly story - communication, compersion, experience gaps, and the struggles of converting a mostly-monogamous relationship into a polyamorous one.

I was asked to share my little story in the demi/poly world, so here it is! Okay it turned out not be very "little"...
My girlfriend and I have been together for some years now. I am older than her, so the age gap was always going to factor into things, but it hasn’t really been a problem until the last year - I have had more experience in the world than she has, and she’s only really known one serious relationship (us). I’ve always been aware of this, and encouraged her to do things independently from me where possible - I never wanted her to resent me for holding her back during her most formative adult years.
We spent a while as swingers, mostly for her benefit to explore her sexuality (she’s bisexual), but also because I felt a strong connection and compersion with her when I could see how much fun she was having. I obviously got things out of it as well, but I’d say 95% of our swinging was the two of us together, rather than one of us separately.
There have been occasions when she has had opportunities to form a sexual/“more than friends” relationship with people that I never met - these have all gone very well for both of us, with no feelings of jealousy, just that good old compersion.
Last year, she spent four weeks working overseas in the USA. She has never worked abroad, never really lived on her own or had to fend for herself. I had no doubt she would do well, but I encouraged her to be open to meeting people and maybe having a fling. She did just that, and met a guy in each of the two cities she worked in. I got to share in some of her stories, but for the most part, it was something she had for herself, and I loved that. I never felt threatened - I always trusted she would come back to me.
This changed when I flew over to meet her, and we went on a long road trip around the States. Things were… different. She was messaging one of the guys a lot but barely talking to me. I did my best to let her process her thoughts - she’d just been living single for four weeks, it’s a big adjustment to then get in a car with me for three more. Eventually, she opened up to me (after a particularly painful drunken night). She acknowledged that I was the person who knew her the best, and I’ve helped her with things in the past, so why was she confiding in a relative stranger about our long-term relationship, etc. We decided to work on the relationship, giving her the freedom she needed (which she always had, but keeps forgetting about).
A year later, she announced to me that she is polyamorous. This came as no huge surprise to me - I know she’s capable of so much love and compassion for her friends, and so I want her to be able to explore that without bounds. Being poly simply suits her perfectly, and I could probably have told her she was poly before she even realised herself. However, this announcement came at the same time as a mutual friend of ours became single. I knew she liked him and found him attractive, I even knew she loved him, but aside from the occasional kiss at a party, it never went further than that. It just seemed a bit too similar to what had happened in America, and I’m finding it extremely difficult to be okay with this.
Since they started their relationship, I’ve been feeling varying levels of discomfort, sometimes even jealousy and resentment. I know she’s getting NRE with him, and she’s generally happier than she’s been in a long time, but I’m worried that HE doesn’t completely understand the poly situation, and he has recently made a comment that he wished she wasn’t “taken”. I’ve spent some time with him alone and we talked about all of this, and it became very apparent that he hasn’t done any research into this. I don’t know how important it is that he DOES that research, but I sometimes feel worried that he’s trying to push me out of the picture. However, I acknowledge that this is JUST a feeling, and other than the comments I’ve just mentioned above, he’s given no indication that he has any sinister or hidden motive. He’s the nicest guy, he’s so… pleasant. I don’t see what she sees in him but that’s not for me to judge.
On to me…. I have no dying urge to be poly myself. I like the freedom and the possibility of it, but…. I’m demisexual. I already have the relationships I want with each of my friends. I have no interest in taking things further. BUT, I’ve never really dated before, and maybe now is a good time to give that a try - my girlfriend is incredibly supportive of this, giving me tips and helping me with dating profiles. I’d also like to take some of the pressure off my girlfriend, because we live together, and (because of the current world situation) I’m usually home when she gets home from her dates, and I don’t want her to feel like I’m just sitting around waiting for her (which I usually am not). So I’ve signed up to OKCupid, which is an absolute bust in the area I live. I’m not Tinder material so that hasn’t worked either. Lockdown is a thing here so prospects of naturally meeting someone new are incredibly low, and to be honest, I’d just like new people to talk to who aren’t already part of our social circle. I sometimes feel like I have no-one I can talk to without going behind someone’s back, since everyone knows everyone.
You might be wondering how we could be swingers if I’m demisexual. It’s a question I’ve been asked before. I’m able to have sex or be sexually involved with people I’m not attracted to - hell, I’ve been married before, I’m used to it…. I truly, honestly and fully only have eyes for my girlfriend, and it’s bothered her when I don’t admit to finding someone else attractive - she used to think I’m just trying to protect her feelings, but I honestly just don’t find anyone else attractive in that way. But I can have a good time with them. I just… don’t really want to go seeking that out. To me, when we were swinging, I was having sex with my girlfriend, not the other people in the room.
Annoyingly though, I am VERY sex-driven. I feel like I’m just quite unlucky in that I’m a very sexual person, but I’m also not sexually attracted to pretty much anyone (other than the obvious). This puts pressure on my girlfriend who, herself, is NOT necessarily sex-driven. Obviously she’s getting NRE with her new partner, and we’ve had great sex recently, making an effort to go on dates ourselves and taking away the monotony of “convenience sex”. I have absolutely no complaints about our sex life right now, and I think, in some ways, it’s better than it has been in a long time.
I just wish I could skip the uncomfortable adjustment period with my girlfriend having a romantic relationship with one of her closest friends, who himself is completely harmless. He poses no threat to my relationship. I WANT to get to being 100% comfortable and supportive. I don’t like the intrusive thoughts that jealousy brings. I don’t like worrying that she’s having a better time with him than me, because that’s really not the point of all of this. You don’t have a favourite child when you’re a parent. Everyone in your life adds something unique that cannot necessarily be replaced by another.
I understand the thoughts, and by this point, I honestly believe I agree with them all. I just wish my brain would settle into it quicker. I often fantasise about the three of us spending time together without me getting stabs of jealousy when I see her stroking his arm. We’ve had some occasions recently where we HAVE hung out together and I’ve been completely comfortable with everything, but the following day, it feels like my brain has exceeded the speed limit and moved forward too quickly. I’m purposefully limiting my exposure to him for the next few weeks, just so I can grow and adapt in my own way. My girlfriend is being incredibly supportive with this as well, setting boundaries and time limits, so she can give her primary relationship with me the care it definitely needs right now.
It’s a process. I’m getting through it. I believe this will be wonderful. I just need to take it one day at a time, and not rush into things. I even recently had a revelation - I am capable of loving more than one person. I have two close friends who I realised I actually loved just a few days ago. This is a feeling very new to me - I thought I was only capable of truly loving one person. I’m learning a lot about myself, and I think this adventure is making me into a better, more compassionate, more loving, more sincere, more understanding human. I can’t really complain about that.
submitted by Lobster_Muffin to DemiAndPoly [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 15:43 Darkchurchhill I am 24 years old make $90,000, live in Boston, Massachusetts and work as a full stacks developer

*mental health, drugs, body image and food discussed\*
Background: Hi, I am 24 years old and make $90,000, live in the Boston area (Cambridge/Somerville). I work as a full stacks developer and have a BS in computer science. Currently, I live with two housemates in a cute townhome apartment in a nice walkable neighborhood with lots of parks, restaurants, and amenities. I originally moved here from LA on a whim late last September despite not knowing anyone or having a place to call home. I was living with my parents after university and working in a job environment I hated. I was really depressed and overspent on clothes, beauty products, and going out like crazy to cope. Moving to Boston allowed me to feel in control of my life, and as of today, it’s been officially a year, which is crazy. I decided to put one up today to celebrate. I’ve always wanted to do a money diary, but was ashamed to do so when I felt like a mess.
Section One: Assets and Debt
Section Two: Income
Section Three: Expenses
Wednesday 16th
7:00am: The sun wakes me. I was hoping to sleep in more since I redownloaded tinder last night and stayed up till like 3am swiping and contemplating if this was the wrong decision for my mental and physical health. One of my matches messaged me to come over. I haven’t gotten laid since before the pandemic lockdown started. The sexual frustration has been real. I entertain the thought, but don’t reply back.
11:30am: On a zoom meeting with my boss, she asks us if we would like to start coming back twice a week to meet in person in October. I feel unsure about this, as I am still sketched out by public transit, but everything is still up in the air.
12:30pm: I eat leftover fried rice for lunch I made. I say fried rice but it mostly consists of vegetables. I still feel hungry afterwards, but I guess if I was going to be dating again I should lose some more weight so I can feel hot on my virtual zoom calls or wherever people do nowadays.
4:00pm: The work day is over early today. I hit up the guy on tinder who wanted to hook up. We make arrangements for him to slide through later this evening. He offers to come over to my place instead because he had something to do in Cambridge first anyways, and offers to bring drinks. We exchanged instagrams. I’m a little sussed out because he looks like the type who is really into themselves (like really into archival fashion RickOwens/Celine/YSL and has tons of edgy selfies). Whatever it’s just sex. I tell him it’s fine and that I have both wine and weed, and he sends me a little devil emoji.
5:00pm: I take the time to clean my room and make myself look presentable before planting myself onto the couch. I actually have no idea when he’s going to come, but I don’t want to message him again because if he doesn’t come through I want the satisfaction of him thinking I couldn’t care less. It’s toxic, I know, but in my lifetime I’ve been treated so badly by people I’ve given my heart to that sometimes I feel like my pride is the only thing I have left. Anyways, I wait by listening to female dating empowerment podcasts, hoping that some of the hosts’ confidence would rub off onto me.
7:00pm: I open a bottle of wine in anticipation and pour myself a glass.
10:00pm: No word from him, I guess I got stood up. Wow, only one day in and I’m already getting the full tinder experience. No surprises here though. I'm an adult. I can handle disappointment. I’m just really drunk now and alone.
11:00pm: Moody vinyls are now being played. I’m on the phone with friends, and three-fourths of my bottle of wine is gone. I check instagram only to see that the little weasel has unfollowed me so naturally I unfollowed him. I open tinder to unmatch him, but as I am doing so, his profile disappears. The prick beat me to it, and the petty side of me is annoyed. I think I’m just going to pass out. Honestly, I don’t hate this. The side of me who hates courting people has now overtaken my sex drive (the way it should be), and all forces are back to equilibrium. I’m only upset at how good of a job I did making myself look hot when there is no one here to appreciate it. The wine puts a spell on me, and I fall asleep to the muffled voice of my housemate calling his long distance girlfriend from the floor above me.
Total spent-$0
Thursday 17th
5:00am: I wake up and feel lots of shame. I swipe a bit, but there is no one I’m attracted to. It shouldn’t be this hard to get laid. I delete tinder from my phone. Ooof I’m glad my moment of weakness was short lived this time. I’m sorry y’all has to lay witness this to this dumpster fire.
7:00am: I check my emails. Three days ago, I applied for a new credit card with Chase and my application still hasn’t been approved. Weird, I have a good credit score and last year when I applied for my american express it took like a day. I am planning on spending $500 on a new synth (I am currently lusting over the Megafm by twisted electronics), and this card has a $200 cash back for the first $500 spent in the first 3 months. I google how long this process will take. Some say it takes about a week. I can wait. Guess you guys won’t be around to share my joy of blowing all my monies on synths.
11:30am: It’s avocado toast time. I need the carbs to combat the grogginess the wine left me feeling. It doesn’t taste great because I’m pretty sure my avocados are overripe, but oh well.
12:00pm: I check my credit card statement. My mom has made a $170 grocery store order with my credit card. I get 6% cash back on groceries and she wants to help me with getting cash back. The last time I saw her she gave me a few hundred dollars in cash to cover this. I don’t mind because I needed cash to buy merch at shows and stuff, and my bank doesn’t have any branches or atms in the Boston area. It’s kind of inconvenient now because everywhere has gone cashless, but I’m sure it’ll come into use when life resumes again or if I buy something off FB marketplace. $170
5:30pm: I make more fried rice and eat dinner. I make enough for lunch tomorrow as well.
8:23pm: I watch the The Real Story of Paris Hilton, her new documentary on youtube. The main opening song is Jesus and Mary Chain's Just like Honey. I remember how much I love this song and how much I would like to actually own it. I hop onto discog and search for a copy of the LP Psychocandy and buy it. I use leftover paypal credit in my account from when I sold some clothes on depop to cover the cost. $25.19.
10:00pm: Wow, the documentary was actually pretty sad. I always felt bad for Paris because of her leaked sex tapes when she was just a teen (and how the media painted her as the villain/slut for it), but was shocked to learn how she and countless other girls was drugged and abused by their boarding schools.
2:00am: I finish catching up on work and go to bed.
Total spent-$195.19
Friday
10:00am: Shoot I overslept. I log into work asap. I missed my daily 9:00am morning stand up, but my boss is usually pretty relaxed about these things. I still feel bad about it.
12:00pm: Eat fried rice for lunch. My friend messages me if I wanted to go record shopping with him. To be honest, I’ve been avoiding unnecessary in person retail shopping and don’t want to spend anymore money on records this month, but I also know he takes rejection super personally. He's insecure and always in his head that everyone actually dislikes him. It’s probably a little true because he does act like a brat sometimes, but I think it's due to severe depression. I tell him I’ll be down and justify the outing due to the record shop being near an asian grocer I like. I need groceries anyways and haven’t been to this store since pre pandemic.
4:30pm: I log out of work. Finally, the weekend.
5:00pm I take an edible and get ready to leave my home.
6:20pm I take the T to Central and pay with my pre loaded transit card. Back in March, I loaded $20 onto it and now I’m down to $4.80. I guess I have to reload it soon again. My friend informs me he’ll be late. I’m starting to feel high so I walk around and look at all the restaurants doing outdoor dining. My favorite place in Central is only doing takeout.
7:00pm: My friend arrives. We go to the record shop. I’m really high at this point. The tight aisles of the record shop makes me nervous.
7:30pm: My friend makes some big purchases, but I leave empty handed. We head over to the Hmart across the street. It’s nice to buy asian groceries. I stock up on veggies, enoki mushrooms, frozen gyoza, tofu, and even let myself get a few snacks. $68
8:00pm: One of my friends just messages me that Ruth Bader Ginsburg just passed. Truly devastating to hear. What a crazy election year.
8:30pm: I’m home and have the munchies. I snack on some of the things I bought, but it doesn’t fill my cravings.
9:45pm: I decide that I am ordering Mickey Ds. I call my housemate downstairs and ask him if he wants anything. He laughs and says no, causing me to doubt my order. However, he encourages me to order anyways, as he wants to mooch off some of my fries. I order fries and a mcChicken, and he sticks around downstairs like a seagull. $11
10:15pm: My food arrives. I know I will regret this tomorrow.
Total spent-$79
Saturday
8:00am: I regret ordering food last night. One of my friends once said to me “There is nothing you can eat that can make you feel as good as being skinny”. I’m not sure if I can agree with him, but it’s definitely true when it comes to fast food. My stomach hurts so bad. I distract myself by watching youtube in bed.
11:00am: I finally get up and call my mom. She informs me that one of my dad’s colleges passed from Covid-19 at age 40. That is so sad. It reminds me that getting laid can wait till next year. Rip my non existing sex life-- too soon for death jokes?
1:00pm: I work out in my living room (out of guilt for last night). I’ve been doing so well eating wise for the last few weeks and actually lost some of my quarantine weight. My only vice is that I love getting high, but I have no control when it comes to having the munchies.
2:00pm: The weather is starting to change, and it’s actually getting cold. It’s so strange. As a Calfornian, this time of year is usually the hottest. I pulled out a jacket I haven’t worn in a while. I find five dollars, a purple glittery gel pen, and an almost brand new pack of cigs in the pockets. What a score. I’m a seasonal social smoker, by that I mean that I only smoke when it gets cold and usually to meet new people in smoking pits at shows so I haven't touched a cig in months. To celebrate my finds and the changing of the seasons, I smoke one and it suppresses my post workout hunger.
4:00pm: I’m just watching tiktok on the couch, while snacking a little. I feel so guilty for being unproductive, but not enough to motivate myself to do something.
5:00pm: I move my ac unit from my room to the basement. Won’t be needing that for the rest of the year.
7:00pm: I make gyoza and hang out with my housemate playing video games (the newish Catherine reboot).
Total spent-$0
Sunday
4:45am: I fell asleep on the couch last night. I drag myself to the bathroom to take out contacts and brush my teeth. I close my window, climb into my bed, and go back asleep. It’s so cold.
11:40am: I wake up and check my messages. My other housemate is finally coming home after staying with his new girlfriend at her place for the last two months. He asks us what we want from Blue Ribbon, a bbq place we always get takeout from together. The house votes on one and a half chicken, a pint of burnt ends, slab of ribs, a quart of brisket, and a side of coleslaw. We split the cost three ways. $34
2:05pm: My housemate still hasn’t come home with food, but I’m hella hungry. Apparently he ordered from the wrong location and now has to go to another to pick up the food.
2:30pm: We eat bbq and then cake. My housemate accidentally missed my other housemate’s birthday, while he was gone living with his girlfriend so he brought makeup dessert.
3:30pm: We play video games (Smash ultimate) together for a few hours.
6:00pm: Everyone retires to their room except me. I sit on the couch and waste time on tictok. It sucks to be the only person in the house without a partner to call. I like being independent and openly acknowledge that I’m emotionally unavailable, but these last few months have made me question what I really need.
8:00pm: I go back to my room to get some work done.
12:30am: I feel lonely. I fall asleep to a documentary about Candy Darling.
Total spent-$34
Monday
8:00am: Wake up. Check my emails. I ordered a skirt from a seller on Thrilling (vintage clothing site) 3 weeks ago and it still hasn’t been sent out. I’m unhappy about this. I messaged Thrilling last week and the customer service rep reached out to the seller, and the seller said they will have it out by Saturday, but USPS tracking begs to differ. The item is still in pre shipment.
10:00am: I snack on blueberries as I work.
4:30pm: I log out of work. I eat BBQ leftovers for dinner and half a cookie. I open my 3rd la croix of the day. I’m down to only having two 12 packs. Will probably have to restock next week. I have a la croix addiction and go through 3-4 a day.
5:00pm: My housemate’s girlfriend swings by with a package from an online purchase he made (the one that just came back yesterday). He goes out to the driveway to meet her and tries to convince her to come in. She refuses because she’s self conscious of her quarantine weight. Big sad for me. I have yet to meet her and I was kind of looking forward to it. I haven’t interacted with another woman irl for a really really long time, and I really miss all my girlfriends in California. My housemate tells me that she said she’ll be willing to meet us once she loses weight first. I take that as I’ll never meet her.
5:30pm: I play video games with housemates to get in my daily socialization fix.
7:00pm: I practice playing banjo.
9:30pm: I do some more work before bed. Today was a standard boring day.
Total spent- $0
Tuesday
8:30am: I’m pleased that day’s are getting shorter and the sun is no longer waking me up at 5am everyday. I sleep next to multiple windows and the glare of the sun loves to hit directly where my pillows and head lie. While dressing I put on a bodysuit that I love, but I haven’t worn since college and a pair of Tripp raver pants. I can’t believe that up until I moved to Boston, I used to dress like this. There is so much side boob. Boston has made me so much more conservative in the way I dress, and I cover up. I put on a tight cardigan and am impressed with myself. Earlier this spring, this cardigan did not look good on me. Seems like my diet is working even though I did fudge up this weekend.
12:00pm: I eat leftovers for lunch and read today’s money dairy. The writer is similar to my age, which peaks my interest (also the mention of bumble in the title). I feel lonely. I need to stop thinking about dating apps. I can’t wait until it is safe to pick up men and women under dark lighting and liquid courage again.
4:30pm: I log out of work, and begin editing my money diary entries. It’s pretty therapeutic and feels like I’m talking to a group of new friends. There are a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes. I’m dyslexic so please bear with me.
5:00pm: I stir fry leftover rice, some leftover bbq meat, egg, broccoli, baby bok choy, and edamame. Dinner is ready. One of my housemates comes downstairs and also makes dinner and eats.
5:30pm: We play smash bros for a bit. I’m surprised our other housemate doesn’t come downstairs to join us. It’s been so long since he’s lived with us I forgot he always randomly falls asleep at weird times.
6:30pm: We retire to our rooms. I practice playing the banjo for a bit, while I chat with a friend through text.
9:15pm: Just doing some more work.
12:00am: Can't sleep so I exercise.
TOTAL FOR THE WEEK - $308.19
Food + Drink $113
Fun / Entertainment $25.19
Other $170
Lastly, reflect on your diary! Spending wise, this is a pretty typical week for me post pandemic. Most days I don’t spend money, but once or twice a month I would drop quite a bit of money (usually $500-600) on hobby related things, like the synth I mentioned in this diary. My spending has dramatically increased during the quarantine because I need to find ways to entertain and stimulate myself. Pre-pandemic most of my discretionary spending was spent on day trips and going to shows, which is pretty cheap and added up to no more than $400 a month. I was hardly ever home and when I was it was to wind down so I invested way less into my hobbies. I also spent less on food. Since spending more time with my housemates, the idea of takeout has become more normalized for me (I used to eat out once or twice a month, now I get take out at least once a week).
submitted by Darkchurchhill to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 11:16 shibuzaki_seven System just freezes, everything just stops including mouse and even the wifi gets disconnected from mobile hotspot on XFCE 20.

Edit: Anyone please help me it's getting more and more frustrating. If it's a Mint related issue then I will just move on from Mint to any other distro. But atleast tell me weather it's a mint issue or a Hardware issue.


My system was working fine but after the changes in past two days I started getting this problem.

The Changes I made: I replaced my old HDD with a new SSD two days ago and installed Linux on it. And yesterday there was a kernel update in the update manager.

How problem started occurring: After the update and 3 or 4 reboots, when I was installing wine through terminal system freezed and I had to do hard reboot, then again when wine was installed I was installing Docky from Ubuntu 18.04's repository it again freezed.

The third and fourth time it freezed right after booting up when I launched firefox.

Fifth time it happened again while editing a post on linuxmint forum.

After some googled suggestions I did a smartctl. So can you tell me weather it's a system error or the SSD's broken.

Here are smartctl's results in the given : link

I also did a check for bad sectors in the SSD on which the system is installed.

Here are it's results:

$ sudo fdisk -l [sudo] password for mihir: Disk /dev/sda: 223.58 GiB, 240057409536 bytes, 468862128 sectors Disk model: WDC WDS240G2G0A- Units: sectors of 1 * 512 = 512 bytes Sector size (logical/physical): 512 bytes / 512 bytes I/O size (minimum/optimal): 512 bytes / 512 bytes Disklabel type: dos Disk identifier: 0x662c6f2a Device Boot Start End Sectors Size Id Type /dev/sda1 * 2048 1050623 1048576 512M b W95 FAT32 /dev/sda2 1052670 468860927 467808258 223.1G 5 Extended /dev/sda5 1052672 468860927 467808256 223.1G 83 Linux Disk /dev/sdb: 465.78 GiB, 500107862016 bytes, 976773168 sectors Disk model: ST500LT012-9WS14 Units: sectors of 1 * 512 = 512 bytes Sector size (logical/physical): 512 bytes / 4096 bytes I/O size (minimum/optimal): 4096 bytes / 4096 bytes Disklabel type: dos Disk identifier: 0xb540dc3c Device Boot Start End Sectors Size Id Type /dev/sdb1 2048 976771071 976769024 465.8G 83 Linux 

$ sudo badblocks -v /dev/sda1 > badsectors.txt Checking blocks 0 to 524287 Checking for bad blocks (read-only test): done Pass completed, 0 bad blocks found. (0/0/0 errors) 

$ sudo badblocks -v /dev/sda2 > badsectors.txt Checking blocks 0 to 0 Checking for bad blocks (read-only test): done Pass completed, 0 bad blocks found. (0/0/0 errors) 

sudo badblocks -v /dev/sda5 > badsectors.txt Checking blocks 0 to 233904127 Checking for bad blocks (read-only test): done Pass completed, 0 bad blocks found. (0/0/0 errors) 
Also did a $ inxi -Fxxxrz

$ inxi -Fxxxrz System: Kernel: 5.4.0-48-generic x86_64 bits: 64 compiler: gcc v: 9.3.0 Desktop: Xfce 4.14.2 tk: Gtk 3.24.13 info: xfce4-panel wm: xfwm4 dm: LightDM 1.30.0 Distro: Linux Mint 20 Ulyana base: Ubuntu 20.04 focal Machine: Type: Desktop Mobo: N/A model: N/A serial:  BIOS: American Megatrends v: 080015 date: 10/08/2016 CPU: Topology: Dual Core model: Pentium E5400 bits: 64 type: MCP arch: Penryn rev: A L2 cache: 2048 KiB flags: lm nx pae sse sse2 sse3 ssse3 vmx bogomips: 10769 Speed: 1322 MHz min/max: N/A Core speeds (MHz): 1: 1322 2: 1844 Graphics: Device-1: Intel 82915G/GV/910GL Integrated Graphics driver: i915 v: kernel bus ID: 00:02.0 chip ID: 8086:2582 Display: x11 server: X.Org 1.20.8 driver: intel unloaded: fbdev,modesetting,vesa resolution: 1920x1080~60Hz OpenGL: renderer: Mesa DRI Intel 915G v: 1.4 Mesa 20.0.8 direct render: Yes Audio: Device-1: Intel 82801FB/FBM/FFW/FRW High Definition Audio driver: snd_hda_intel v: kernel bus ID: 00:1b.0 chip ID: 8086:2668 Sound Server: ALSA v: k5.4.0-48-generic Network: Device-1: Realtek RTL810xE PCI Express Fast Ethernet driver: r8169 v: kernel port: e800 bus ID: 02:00.0 chip ID: 10ec:8136 IF: enp2s0 state: down mac:  Device-2: Ralink MT7601U Wireless Adapter type: USB driver: mt7601u bus ID: 1-8:5 chip ID: 148f:7601 serial:  IF: wlx20e1160089af state: up mac:  Drives: Local Storage: total: 689.33 GiB used: 18.75 GiB (2.7%) ID-1: /dev/sda vendor: Western Digital model: WDS240G2G0A-00JH30 size: 223.57 GiB speed:  serial:  rev: 0400 scheme: MBR ID-2: /dev/sdb vendor: Seagate model: ST500LT012-9WS142 size: 465.76 GiB speed:  rotation: 5400 rpm serial:  rev: YAM1 scheme: MBR Partition: ID-1: / size: 218.57 GiB used: 18.75 GiB (8.6%) fs: ext4 dev: /dev/sda5 Sensors: System Temperatures: cpu: 46.0 C mobo: N/A Fan Speeds (RPM): N/A Repos: No active apt repos in: /etc/apt/sources.list Active apt repos in: /etc/apt/sources.list.d/additional-repositories.list 1: deb https://dl.winehq.org/wine-builds/ubuntu/ focal main Active apt repos in: /etc/apt/sources.list.d/official-package-repositories.list 1: deb http://mirrors.evowise.com/linuxmint/packages ulyana main upstream import backport 2: deb http://mirrors.piconets.webwerks.in/ubuntu-mirroubuntu focal main restricted universe multiverse 3: deb http://mirrors.piconets.webwerks.in/ubuntu-mirroubuntu focal-updates main restricted universe multiverse 4: deb http://mirrors.piconets.webwerks.in/ubuntu-mirroubuntu focal-backports main restricted universe multiverse 5: deb http://security.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ focal-security main restricted universe multiverse 6: deb http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu/ focal partner Info: Processes: 173 Uptime: 1m Memory: 3.16 GiB used: 952.0 MiB (29.4%) Init: systemd v: 245 runlevel: 5 Compilers: gcc: 9.3.0 alt: 9 Shell: bash v: 5.0.17 running in: xfce4-terminal inxi: 3.0.38 
submitted by shibuzaki_seven to linuxmint [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 11:15 shibuzaki_seven System just freezes, everything just stops including mouse and even the wifi gets disconnected from mobile hotspot on Linux Mint XFCE 20.

Edit: Anyone please help me it's getting more and more frustrating. If it's a Mint related issue then I will just move on from Mint to any other distro. But atleast tell me weather it's a mint issue or a Hardware issue.


My system was working fine but after the changes in past two days I started getting this problem.

The Changes I made: I replaced my old HDD with a new SSD two days ago and installed Linux on it. And yesterday there was a kernel update in the update manager.

How problem started occurring: After the update and 3 or 4 reboots, when I was installing wine through terminal system freezed and I had to do hard reboot, then again when wine was installed I was installing Docky from Ubuntu 18.04's repository it again freezed.

The third and fourth time it freezed right after booting up when I launched firefox.

Fifth time it happened again while editing a post on linuxmint forum.

After some googled suggestions I did a smartctl. So can you tell me weather it's a system error or the SSD's broken.

Here are smartctl's results in the given : link

I also did a check for bad sectors in the SSD on which the system is installed.

Here are it's results:

$ sudo fdisk -l [sudo] password for mihir: Disk /dev/sda: 223.58 GiB, 240057409536 bytes, 468862128 sectors Disk model: WDC WDS240G2G0A- Units: sectors of 1 * 512 = 512 bytes Sector size (logical/physical): 512 bytes / 512 bytes I/O size (minimum/optimal): 512 bytes / 512 bytes Disklabel type: dos Disk identifier: 0x662c6f2a Device Boot Start End Sectors Size Id Type /dev/sda1 * 2048 1050623 1048576 512M b W95 FAT32 /dev/sda2 1052670 468860927 467808258 223.1G 5 Extended /dev/sda5 1052672 468860927 467808256 223.1G 83 Linux Disk /dev/sdb: 465.78 GiB, 500107862016 bytes, 976773168 sectors Disk model: ST500LT012-9WS14 Units: sectors of 1 * 512 = 512 bytes Sector size (logical/physical): 512 bytes / 4096 bytes I/O size (minimum/optimal): 4096 bytes / 4096 bytes Disklabel type: dos Disk identifier: 0xb540dc3c Device Boot Start End Sectors Size Id Type /dev/sdb1 2048 976771071 976769024 465.8G 83 Linux 

$ sudo badblocks -v /dev/sda1 > badsectors.txt Checking blocks 0 to 524287 Checking for bad blocks (read-only test): done Pass completed, 0 bad blocks found. (0/0/0 errors) 

$ sudo badblocks -v /dev/sda2 > badsectors.txt Checking blocks 0 to 0 Checking for bad blocks (read-only test): done Pass completed, 0 bad blocks found. (0/0/0 errors) 

sudo badblocks -v /dev/sda5 > badsectors.txt Checking blocks 0 to 233904127 Checking for bad blocks (read-only test): done Pass completed, 0 bad blocks found. (0/0/0 errors) 

Also did a $ inxi -Fxxxrz

$ inxi -Fxxxrz System: Kernel: 5.4.0-48-generic x86_64 bits: 64 compiler: gcc v: 9.3.0 Desktop: Xfce 4.14.2 tk: Gtk 3.24.13 info: xfce4-panel wm: xfwm4 dm: LightDM 1.30.0 Distro: Linux Mint 20 Ulyana base: Ubuntu 20.04 focal Machine: Type: Desktop Mobo: N/A model: N/A serial:  BIOS: American Megatrends v: 080015 date: 10/08/2016 CPU: Topology: Dual Core model: Pentium E5400 bits: 64 type: MCP arch: Penryn rev: A L2 cache: 2048 KiB flags: lm nx pae sse sse2 sse3 ssse3 vmx bogomips: 10769 Speed: 1322 MHz min/max: N/A Core speeds (MHz): 1: 1322 2: 1844 Graphics: Device-1: Intel 82915G/GV/910GL Integrated Graphics driver: i915 v: kernel bus ID: 00:02.0 chip ID: 8086:2582 Display: x11 server: X.Org 1.20.8 driver: intel unloaded: fbdev,modesetting,vesa resolution: 1920x1080~60Hz OpenGL: renderer: Mesa DRI Intel 915G v: 1.4 Mesa 20.0.8 direct render: Yes Audio: Device-1: Intel 82801FB/FBM/FFW/FRW High Definition Audio driver: snd_hda_intel v: kernel bus ID: 00:1b.0 chip ID: 8086:2668 Sound Server: ALSA v: k5.4.0-48-generic Network: Device-1: Realtek RTL810xE PCI Express Fast Ethernet driver: r8169 v: kernel port: e800 bus ID: 02:00.0 chip ID: 10ec:8136 IF: enp2s0 state: down mac:  Device-2: Ralink MT7601U Wireless Adapter type: USB driver: mt7601u bus ID: 1-8:5 chip ID: 148f:7601 serial:  IF: wlx20e1160089af state: up mac:  Drives: Local Storage: total: 689.33 GiB used: 18.75 GiB (2.7%) ID-1: /dev/sda vendor: Western Digital model: WDS240G2G0A-00JH30 size: 223.57 GiB speed:  serial:  rev: 0400 scheme: MBR ID-2: /dev/sdb vendor: Seagate model: ST500LT012-9WS142 size: 465.76 GiB speed:  rotation: 5400 rpm serial:  rev: YAM1 scheme: MBR Partition: ID-1: / size: 218.57 GiB used: 18.75 GiB (8.6%) fs: ext4 dev: /dev/sda5 Sensors: System Temperatures: cpu: 46.0 C mobo: N/A Fan Speeds (RPM): N/A Repos: No active apt repos in: /etc/apt/sources.list Active apt repos in: /etc/apt/sources.list.d/additional-repositories.list 1: deb https://dl.winehq.org/wine-builds/ubuntu/ focal main Active apt repos in: /etc/apt/sources.list.d/official-package-repositories.list 1: deb http://mirrors.evowise.com/linuxmint/packages ulyana main upstream import backport 2: deb http://mirrors.piconets.webwerks.in/ubuntu-mirroubuntu focal main restricted universe multiverse 3: deb http://mirrors.piconets.webwerks.in/ubuntu-mirroubuntu focal-updates main restricted universe multiverse 4: deb http://mirrors.piconets.webwerks.in/ubuntu-mirroubuntu focal-backports main restricted universe multiverse 5: deb http://security.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ focal-security main restricted universe multiverse 6: deb http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu/ focal partner Info: Processes: 173 Uptime: 1m Memory: 3.16 GiB used: 952.0 MiB (29.4%) Init: systemd v: 245 runlevel: 5 Compilers: gcc: 9.3.0 alt: 9 Shell: bash v: 5.0.17 running in: xfce4-terminal inxi: 3.0.38 

submitted by shibuzaki_seven to linux4noobs [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 10:57 queeradventurer SO spent my savings on JNMIL - how do I make him go to therapy?

I've (26F) just joined reddit to make this post, so I apologise for my inevitable lack of knowledge on reddit etiquette. Also, this post might be more about my SO than my MIL, because her bad behaviour is atrocious but expected, but his behaviour is hurtful and a betrayal.
My MIL is an emotionally abusive and manipulative person, but she's also my partner's (26NB/M) only parent, so he is extremely reluctant to acknowledge her abuse. MIL did her best to ruin our wedding, screamed at my partner about his gender identity while he was coming out of anaesthesia after top surgery, sent me 6 pages of abuse about myself, my family, and my partner's identity after I refused to hug her, chased and physically threatened her own mother (partner's GM) after she took my side in an argument - the list goes on. My partner and I are trying to have kids, and I made him promise that he would start therapy to deal with his own trauma's from his childhood, and to learn what a healthy parent/child dynamic looks like, because he has no idea at all. He agrees, but complains about it, and has taken no steps to actually do this. Things with MIL came to a head in August 2019, with the messages of abuse and physical threats, and my partner went no contact for a while, and I was so happy. Then over NYE my MIL's house was threatened by bushfires, they picked up contact again, and my partner seems to have forgiven her everything. My partner has taken to calling people while he drives home from work, because he "gets bored". I absolutely do not want him on the phone while driving, it's a hard line for me, and he would regularly refuse to buy a hands-free headset until he had a new phone (his screen is broken). I don't drive and don't have a car, and this has a massive impact on my life, so I've decided to start saving for a car and driving lessons. The other day he refused to engage in a conversation about not talking while driving, so I sent him $1300, all my savings, and said look, buy a phone, buy a headset, put the rest on the credit card, do whatever. Just don't call and drive anymore. I gave him more than he would need so he wouldn't have an excuse that things were too expensive. Today he calls me on his lunch break and tells me that he's annoyed because the accessories he bought MIL for her new phone (that he also bought her) arrived before her phone did. Also the phone case he bought her came and it's hot pink instead of blood red, which is not good enough for goth drama queen MIL.
When chatting to a new friend a few days ago, SO said that he's never learned how to not give in to MIL's emotional manipulation and guilt tripping. Friend said "that's okay, you'll learn, it takes time". SO's response was "No, it will never happen. I know myself and I know that I'm always going to do what she wants." ---
I'm so angry I feel sick. Or maybe that's the hurt. MIL has always been the 3rd figure in our relationship, and now that we're actively planning on having kids I was hoping that SO would finally prioritise our own family unit, but no luck. I've put any baby making on a firm hold until I'm satisfied that he is making steps towards dealing with this toxic relationship, but I'm now having serious thoughts about the future of our relationship if he refuses to acknowledge the problem. He's also said that he doesn't agree with therapy unless you've decided yourself that you need it, because otherwise you won't make progress.
I'm angry that I'm always the bad guy, painted as the needy and controlling wife who "made him trans" (bc you know, identifying as a lesbian at the time, I was definitely looking to date a man). She tells people that I'm abusive because I'm trying to control his relationship with her - and I'm definitely not! If I did try, it might make things easier!! But I'm not going to head in that direction, and I'm not going to make myself responsible for his boundaries.
Another infuriating thing is that this lack of an ability to set boundaries is in every relationship he has. He's maintained a friendship with someone who keeps trying to break us up and have him for herself, because he doesn't want to be "mean" and it's "flattering".
I don't want to just up and end an almost 8-year relationship without fighting for it, but he refuses to make progress. How do I put my foot down and demand he get therapy / we get couple's counselling without him guilt tripping me, and turning me into the bad guy?
submitted by queeradventurer to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 09:10 briantriscoli 34(M) Scorpio and 25(F) Aquarius, I’m genuinely confused as to whether our feelings are mutual.

We met online during COVID.
We started talking on Facebook, but then ended up exchanging cell phone numbers and texting or video calling (not really a lot of phone calls).
We’ve been talking about about close to 3 months now. We live more than 250 miles from one another, so it’s kind of a long-distance (idk what to call it).
When we talk
When we talk, there’s my POV, and there’s the cold and dispassionate observations to be made. In terms of the latter, responses are within the hour (usually) if via text, mutual exchanges of walls of texts, talking for over an hour each time.
When we video chat, I feel like every 5 minutes, she gives me a compliment about my looks (which I still feel guarded about and doubt how genuine that might be versus conscious attempted flattery). We always have very deep philosophical conversations and cerebral/intellectual discussions about literally anything. So comes off as openly enamored and intrigued, but appearances aside, I’m confused because some part of me wants to take her authenticity on faith and assume she’s being honest, but the other part of me is worried that how she’s really feeling doesn’t really match up.
Things that are concerning me
  1. We’ve been texting for about 3 months now. Not every single day. We had a whole week where we went on not exchanging a single communication. Usually, it’s once every 2-3 days, with some weeks almost every other day, and some weeks where it’s almost every single day back to back. Openly flirting, being totally open and forthcoming about our attraction to one another, our fascination with one another as people, past relationships, etc. (normally, my experience is that someone is either interested in you or she’s not).
  2. She said she wants to be “friends” (allergic to that word in the context of dating) first, and whatever happens happens. She doesn’t want any labels or expectations in terms of bf/gf, or to feel any kind of pressure or expectation for anything (even a text back).
  3. She’s not really as emotionally expressive as I am. Communication is extremely important to me. I make an effort to be as clear and transparent as possible with how I’m feeling towards someone. I’ll hold my heart over them and let them bathe in my blood. But with her, it just seems like her emotional range thus far is: (a) sleeping, (b) stoned/high, (c) curious/adventurous/fun-seeking, (d) flirty / taking things to a sexual direction. I never sense ANY kind of real emotional vulnerability or openness. It just gives me the sense that the way I feel towards her maybe is totally different from how she feels towards me.
  4. She has mentioned “meeting up” at least over ten (10) separate times now ... and we’ve still never met up. We have video chatted for hours, so, I know she’s not a catfish. But she’ll be like, “I can’t wait to meet you,” “When we meet,” “What if I were to drive over to you right now,” “My aunt asked me if I wanted to drive with her to [close to me], if I tag along, I’d love to meet finally meet you!” ... and yet, we still have net met. I respect how important it is for Aquarius to have her space and sense of independence and total freedom. So, when she says those things, I agree with her, and I let her know that I’ll MAKE time for her whenever she wants to meet ... and still no serious ask on her part to actually meet up (i.e., a definite time, date, and place).
  5. Because of my work schedule, my sleep schedule is very unpredictable and it messes with how well I function during the day and messed with my appetite at night. When we talk, it’s usually very late at night (like around 1am to 5am). I’m not the one who calls her around this time. She’s the one who wants to video chat with me around this time. Some days, it’s not an issue. Other days, she always catches me when I’m on a middle of the night Harold and Kumar trip to White Castle or whatever fast food place is open, really. I can’t really safely video chat with her as I’m driving, so I put the phone to the side and just talk to her over the phone. Then I pull over, and I don’t want to be rude or disrespectful, so I’ll literally park in a parking lot or pull the car over and wait until we’re done talking until I start driving the car again. I feel like she gets upset or bothered by this for some reason, and I have no idea what’s offensive or bothersome about it. Maybe she doesn’t want to come across as needy for attention, so she’s always insisting or asking me to drive home as I’m talking to her (as if it’s not late at night and my brain isn’t totally shot and incapable of even having a conversation, much less also being mentally present both on the road and with the person you don’t want to bore).
Those are really the major issues that are concerning me. I appreciate and respect the need for independence and total freedom (personal space, privacy, autonomy, etc.). Funny enough, despite all the Scorpio stereotypes, I’m not great with money, but I’m also not controlling, jealous or possessive in my personal and romantic relationships. I actually enjoy having a partner who is a free bird and being the kind of guy who can be comfortable with that.
But this emotionally detached or devoid style of communication, seeming upset or annoyed at me when I’m just trying to not be rude and show basic courtesy when we’re talking (i.e., being fully mentally present and showing her that she has my full attention; not acting aloof, indifferent or playing hard to get), and her timing and gaps in communication and being so non-committal about actually meeting up ... I almost don’t know how to feel. Maybe it’s an Aquarius thing, or maybe she’s just not really interested and was just bored and looking for male attention and some flirting ... idk.
There are definitely identifiable negatives and challenges ... but my last relationship didn’t fall apart ... it died a very slow and painful 8 year death. So, emotional detachment and lack of sexual chemistry are hard red flags for me. We definitely have sexual chemistry, which I admittedly deflect and instead try to focus on exploring each other’s thinking process, views and analysis about things, and our feelings (especially towards one another). I can tell we’ll be sexually phenomenal, so I don’t want our initial conversations to be dominated by that kind of talk. I find myself desperately wanting to be really into this girl, but I feel like I have to keep my heart on lockdown ... which makes me feel fake an disingenuous with her over this period of time ... as she takes the time and space she needs to form an opinion about me (and whatever she’s looking for with me).
I feel like it’s a total gender role reversal here, and I’m kind of starting to feel for women. “This sucks big nuts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny ...” (old school hip hop music intensifies).
I want a long-term relationship with this girl. I want to love her ... in the way that she needs and wants to be loved (not on my terms). If part of that is her genuinely needing space and a sense of independence, it may not be my personal preference or style for myself, but that doesn’t mean I can’t respect the way she is. If that’s something she needs in a relationship, it really would be my pleasure to give her that (knowing that it’s basically a way of me expressing love to her, by understanding what she needs and giving it to her, even if it’s different from my own preferred relationship style).
Really, any input is appreciated, but I just want to get an opinion about whether I should just take this as her not really being interested in me, or as this legit being how Aquarius women get into relationships.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read through some random stranger’s personal issues and express an opinion.
TL/dr: Basically, nobody is compelling you to say anything in response to this post if you haven’t read through the whole post.
submitted by briantriscoli to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 08:20 ThrowRA_hesbadforyou How can I help my (29F) friend (30F) see her boyfriend (34M) is bad for her?

Okay the title isn't entirelly true because she has admitted it alot but she won't actually dump him. She says she wants too but always let's him talk her out of it.
She's been my best friend since high school, and she's so smart, so pretty, and has a successful career. She's always been someone I look up too and respect. She's had long term boyfriends who were good to her before, but this man is not.
I met him maybe a month after they started dating and he seemed nice at first. Handsome definitely. The kind of guy who looks like he spends alot of time at the gym and cares about his health and looks. He was polite and seemed like a gentleman. He seemed like a good match for her because she's health-conscious too and active.
Then after awhile she was really upset one day and confessed to me that he had taken off the condom during sex three separate times. She thinks he might've done it more but she doesn't know for sure. That's bad anyways but for her it's REALLY bad, she's had scares around unsafe sex before so going bare is 100% a no go for her, and she's very clear about that with her partners. She said they had that talk before getting intimate and he understood, but did it anyway. The first time he did it she flipped out but he just kept saying it was an accident and he was so sorry. But then he did it again and she might've believed him the first time, but that time she's pretty sure it was intentional. Again he just apologized over and over. And then he did it again. Same result.
She's pretty sure he's cheated on her. He hides his phone from her and especially when he's messaging. She tried to get him to show her but he just made excuses. He gaslights her constantly and makes her think she's just being paranoid. He twists everything she gets upset about around on her. He hasn't hit her or threatened her I don't think.
The worst part is I've watched her slowly change since he showed up in her life. She used too be confident and tough but now she's turning meek and anxious. She doesn't trust her own gut any more. The more weak she gets the more control he has over her and the harder it is for her too leave.
She's been going through a lot besides him. Her father passed away last year and her mother is out of the picture. She doesn't have time for much of a social life, plus with covid it's hard too get out and meet people. So she doesn't have much support. This man when he isn't being terrible is very sweet and supportive, is exactly what she wants him to be, just enough to keep her stringing along and feel like she needs him. She's also afraid that she's getting older and won't find someone better (which is nuts because she's such a catch).
We've talked about it over and over but I feel like there must be something I can say or tell her to help her actually make a difference. She says she wants to be free of him and that he's bad news but she can't stick to the decision to dump him. She knows he's manipulating her. But he's messed up her self esteem so much that she is afraid she can't do better. She's afraid she's just being paranoid and making a big deal out of little things.
Please help me help her. I don't know what to do or say anymore. I'm afraid for her and I don't want him to do any more damage than he's already done. I've told her these things and she agrees. But he's still here.
submitted by ThrowRA_hesbadforyou to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 06:22 mrgoucher I think we should break up..

Hello, and first of all, thank you for taking the time to read this. I just need some advice and some unbiased opinions that aren’t from my friends or family but nonetheless appreciated.
Where to begin.. I’m sitting here crying writing about this 😅
I (22F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been in a relationship for over three years now. We met while going to the same school (I no longer attend the school but he does, I moved back home & transferred back to a CC) but we are both in college full time and working part time jobs. He’s going to school to be an engineer (in his senior year) and I’m going to school to be a pharmacist. I have around 4-6 more years of schooling.
In the beginning of our relationship (when we were at the same school) everything was fantastic. We’d see each other frequently, and I’d stay with him at his apartment. We would have actual dates and we did fun things together. He made me laugh and I felt happy. The sex was great and I truly thought he was everything I needed in a partner. Also, I absolutely love his family and would be devastated to lose them too, but it’s a decision I have to make. But things have been falling apart.. I’ve got so so so many things to say and I’ll never fit them here but here’s some..
As stated before, I moved back home after about a year of us dating which is an hour and a half from city where he still lives. I still wanted to make things work so I drive up there every chance I can because I want to see him. But honestly, I’ve grown tired of it. I’m fully convinced he wouldn’t do the same if he were in my position. We’ve had that conversation. He works around 36 hours a week and is in school too, and I know he’s busy and has more bills than me because I don’t have to pay rent. I’m understanding of that. However, there have been times when he has had time off and chooses not to drive (like I do) to see me. Is it selfish of me to expect the same out of the other person? I just want it to be equal. Because when I say if I didn’t drive up there to see him, I wouldn’t see him, I absolutely mean that. I believe he would rather spend time with his friends and go fishing than see me.
I think he’s a good and loyal guy and I trust him for the most part but there’s just some things that bother me. He takes his phone with him EVERYWHERE. Sure, I’ve got the passcode and he’s got mine. But I leave my phone out unlocked all the time, I have nothing to hide. He on the other hand, doesn’t put it down and if he does, it’s screen side down. On rare times I’ve been able to check his phone it only makes me upset, which I keep to myself. So I’ve learned not to look if I have a chance. He’ll be on Snapchat with some girls from his classes..from several semesters ago..if that was the only thing you needed to communicate for was the class, why do you have a Snap streak and chats? If he lets me have his phone in my hands because he wants to show me something, he hovers, making sure I don’t change the app to other ones/scroll through his phone. While on the phone topic, we have barely any pics of us together and I’ve brought it up and he doesn’t seem to care. He says he doesn’t like his picture taken which I understand is a legitimate reason but I just want some of us together for memories.
One of my biggest problems with our relationship is his attitude/angeselfishness. He’s a self proclaimed asshole and sometimes he is. He’s never been verbally or physically abusive to me but his attitude and anger is something that pushes me away. Sometimes it’s over really ridiculous things. He ALWAYS has to be right and I really don’t like people like that. I don’t see the need to be right all the time, I think it would be exhausting to fulfill that need. The selfishness part is he only wants to do something for me if he’s going to get something out of it. It really hurts. I don’t think that’s how a relationship should be.
Another big issue for me is the fact that I feel guilty for pursuing my dreams. For instance, we are from Michigan but I have my heart set on going to Minnesota for pharmacy school (I’m waiting on an admissions decision right now) for a few reasons, but that’s for another day. I feel guilty for wanting to go there because that would mean leaving him here for a period of time and seeing even less of him. He says I should do what I want but I can tell it bothers him. I don’t want to live there for the rest of my life, just go to pharmacy school there. But I also have a huge desire to travel the world and he doesn’t care if he does that. But it’s something that’s important to me.
My friends like him, but only to a certain extent. They’re good hanging out with us but they don’t think he’s a good boyfriend for me and have told me that multiple times. They don’t know why I stay with him. I guess that’s what I’m trying to figure out too. I love him, we still have good times together but it’s not like the beginning of our relationship. My best friend wanted me to breakup with him long ago after hearing some of the stuff that has happened between us.
He talks about the future but he’s most concerned about graduating, getting a house, a new car, and a boat for fishing. Hey, I want him to get all those things too but where does that leave me? No idea. He says he wants to marry me but I wonder if it’s true or not. I see all these girls getting engaged whose boyfriends are also in college who have been in shorter relationships and I think what am I doing wrong? Is it me? I know we’re both in college and money is tight but he also spends A LOT of money on fishing. I definitely believe we would have an amazing future. Financially/career wise and we’d achieve our dreams and again, I love him but I don’t think it’s enough for me to stay anymore.
There’s next to no romance in our relationship anymore other than sex when I do get to see him. He doesn’t seem happy to see me when I do come. He says he’s just tired with everything he’s got going on which I think is partially an excuse. We don’t go out on dates or do things together unless I bring it up and I get to plan it. There’s no good surprises or spontaneous things in our relationship which I want more of. He’d rather be doing stuff he wants to do. He doesn’t make me feel beautiful. I try to dress nicely, I get my nails done every two weeks and put on makeup everyday and he could care less. I can go about my business looking like a mess and he wouldn’t care. It bothers me because why should I put in the effort? I’m doing it for myself and him but he never says a word and it’s been like that this whole time. Can a girl get a complement from her boyfriend every once in a while?
Lastly, kids. I’ve never been a big fan of kids and to be honest I don’t want to have kids. I don’t mind babysitting other people’s kids because I get to give them back to the parents. We’ve talked about this, he knows that I may never change my mind. But he does want kids at some point and how awful of him to stay with the hope I’ll change my mind and then we don’t have them. I feel he’d grow to resent me and that is heartbreaking for me. His parents would probably feel the same way even though he has two sisters who I know want kids. So, they wouldn’t be without grandkids. My own parents don’t seem to mind either way.
After getting upset and telling him everything I’m telling you all now, if he thinks I’m going to leave he straightens up and does things I want so I’ll be happy and won’t leave. And every. fucking. time. it works and I hate myself for it. I know I’m not perfect, I’ll be the first to admit that. I have my faults too. Maybe some of you will think I’m high maintenance or I’m in the wrong. I just want to know what to do because I’ve been thinking about this for awhile and I can’t stop.
Again, thank you.
submitted by mrgoucher to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 05:30 needywallaby Partner wants sex much less than I do, am I justified in wanting to compromise?

My (F) partner (M) doesn't engage in sex very often, maybe once a week or once every two weeks. We had a lot of sex when we first started dating, as you do, but it has dwindled in the year we've been together. I love sex and could have it every day happily, I love giving blowjobs, and I love kissing. I frequently try to initiate, but am usually turned down. I worked hard to stop asking as often because I thought he might feel pressured, but things haven't changed. We're both young and very attractive, but my partner definitely has self esteem issues and sleeping problems. He also doesn't enjoy or have much patience for kissing which I've struggled with.
My question is, do I have to live with this? I've brought it up before that I want more sex, but he's told me that he should only have to have sex when he's in the mood and that nothing can be done for the matter if he isn't in the mood. How can I try and encourage him to want sex more often? How can I discuss compromise with him, and is there even a compromise? I would never force or guilt him into doing anything, but I'd like to know if there's something I can do here. Friends have told me to buy lingerie etc but I don't want to feel like I should have to make myself sexier. We also sleep mostly naked and spend a lot of time with minimal clothing on around each other. Sex for me is bonding time, and touch and physical affection is my love language. He's told me I'm great in bed and I think he is too, so what can I do?

tl;dr How can I improve my sex life and find a compromise for engaging in sexy time while being respectful of my partner's substantially lower sex drive?
submitted by needywallaby to sex [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 02:42 throwthrowthrowthr00 Is it a red flag if a partner never says they are sorry?

I was in a brief relationship with someone recently who said some things that really scared me and hurt me.
When I had the DTR talk with him he initially said “stop being so serious when we had a good day! What do you want to put a ring on it?” I found this to be very patronizing
Later he agreed to be my boyfriend but started saying “well it’s really soon,” and he shared this anecdote from a dating podcast about this guy who called in saying he’d been dating a women for 6 months but didn’t want the title because he didn’t want commitment. The host told him to just give her the title. Okay?
The next day he said while committed to me he wanted to keep flirting with other women. I got upset and he rationalized his way out of it somehow. He said his personality just seems flirty but he’s not actually flirting
He never said sorry for any of this. And when I brought it up later and said my feelings had been hurt he said “we resolved that already”
It extinguished my sex drive and made me feel scared of him. Needless to say that relationship fizzled out and when he ended things, he definitely made it seem more like a fault of my own. And definitely no “I’m sorry,” at that time either. But I can’t decide if I was just being overly sensitive here or what. I’ve read many threads with a similar title to this one and most of the comments are along the lines of
“your boyfriend shouldn’t have to apologize if he didn’t do anything wrong. No matter how you misinterpreted what he said”
But I think in any relationship both parties need to be willing to say sorry from time to time even if they think they are actually right. I’m not sure how you can maintain a meaningful connection to your partner if you always feel you must be right about absolutely everything
Btw he is 29
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2020.09.23 02:31 throwaway_atwitsend4 adventures in dating girls aka I'M TRYING

Just wanted to get out some frustrations and experiences, which will hopefully be at least a little entertaining.
So recently my longterm partner and I decided to open our relationship. I'm just looking for girls to see as is he. We're not looking for other romantic partners though we can see the same people more than once. (Yeah, not the greatest time to start this considering everything but it just worked out that way and we're taking precautions etc.) Hilariously he thought that he'd have trouble and I'd be slaying but no, apparently multiple cool girls are eager to jump on his dick even though he's not looking for anything more than FWB situations. Whereas I'm talking to a few girls who sometimes respond in a sort of timely fashion and sometimes don't answer for several days. (And I told him this going into it, I was like "I have no idea how you're gonna fare, I know it's hard for straight dudes but I think it's as hard or even harder for queer women." Turns out it's really not that hard for him, lol.) I think the next time I get a response from one of two in particular that I've been talking to I'm going to ask for a coffee date, so hopefully one or both are still interested and don't ghost me! I know a lot of wlw have the struggle of knowing how to sort of transition from friendly to flirty. I think in person it'll be a little easier to get a little more flirty now that we've chatted for a bit online. Both of them are bi, one of them has a girlfriend and kids and the other has a partner of an unknown gender.
The other girl I'm talking to is a lesbian and she's definitely the more forward of anyone I've talked to so far. However, she seems like basically whatever is the queer lady equivalent of a fuckboy. If there were feelings involved I might peace out (and if I get TOO frustrated, again probably forget it). She has kids but she seems to be using them as an excuse for acting like a fuckboy. Like this past weekend. I message her during the day on Friday and then around midnight she's all "come over". The first night I was already in bed so that wasn't happening, and I fell asleep after a bit while we were messsaging for a bit after I had told her I couldn't come over. (And the next morning I told her I'd fallen asleep. But didn't hear from her all day.) The next night however I was first hanging outside having a bonfire with my partner and his friend, then I went inside to watch TV. Of course, around midnight after no messages from her during the day I get the "come over" text. I wasn't tired and didn't have anything going on the next day till later so I went outside just to let him know I might be leaving soon for a few hours. Of course, when I message her back, NO RESPONSE. The next day I sent a sort of "haha guess you fell asleep this time" and she said yeah and something about her kid's birthday the day before and taking care of her kids all Sunday and at some point later on she was like "my kids are my priority and they come first 100 percent of the time!" Which, of course! I get it! And I know she's dealing with finding a new place and whatever. But like, don't use that as an excuse to be a flake. Don't message me in the middle of the night asking me to come over and then not respond for a whole day after! I haven't heard from her since Sunday so I guess we'll see what happens. This weekend I'll be busy both nights though the second night I can leave the thing I'm going to, which I'm fine with.
There was one girl I was talking to who definitely was also a little more interested in actually getting together but I really started getting the vibe that she might catch feelings and that it might not be a good idea to get too involved. So I let her down gently (though didn't tell her that reason specifically). I think I made the right decision. I'm being upfront about my situation and don't want to end up hurting anyone.
Anyway. Just praying I can get like, a single date by the end of October or something, that can't be too high of a bar, RIGHT?? Hahaha. At work right now but my partner is hanging out with one girl he already saw once and seeing another one tomorrow just for coffee. And I'm happy for him, he's having fun, and I'm regularly checking in with myself to see if it's too much to handle but it's really not. Just hoping I can have some of the luck he's had so far!
(We might see people together eventually when/if opportunities arise but at least right now we're strictly pursuing people separately and we're definitely not ever going to make a unicorn hunting couple profile. And wow, there are definitely a lot of those haha.)
I am going to a socially distanced meetup soon and thinking of sending friendly messages to some of the girls who are going or maybe going and who are looking for the same thing as me. I'm in a large-ish city but the queer scene while it definitely exists is not quite as vibrant as it is in other places. And in these covid times it's even less so. And I didn't realise I was bi or come out to anyone till I was in my current relationship so it's hard when you feel like you've been mostly cut off from the queer community all your life. Plus it's scary dating again for the first time when the last time you were single dating apps didn't even exist yet.
Now that I've typed this out and the more I read about the experiences of women trying to date other women (apparently we are reticent as hell and not very good at it in general? lmao) I feel lighter and a little better.
AND ANOTHER THING, I was warned about this but there are straight women trying to find friends on these apps. Ma'am I'm trying to get my head crushed between some thighs, I don't have time for this nonsense.
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2020.09.23 01:19 etvnhoteiedr How can I (27M) ask a (very) new SO (26F) to be more discrete with her checking out other people?

I've been hanging out with a girl for a while now and just recently asked her to go out with me. When we first met, I was seeing a handful of other people, she was occasionally seeing someone else. Then, we decided we were definitely into each other enough that we agreed that we were down to stop seeing other people for the very blatant and honest reason of jealousy. As of the past week, we're dating.
In summary, she's a very obvious check'm-outer and while I think that's perfectly fine/normal/healthy - I do it all of the time - I feel like there's a fair, unspoken code that when you're with your SO, you just try your best to not to be soo obvious about checking out others. You keep it discrete. When the other SO isn't around, fair game. At least, I perceive that to be a practical, respectful, and honest approach. However, with her, she will strain like hell to check out another dude right before my eyes and it always catches me by surprise.
What I am getting at here is that, although we just started dating, I'm at a point where I know what I can and cannot stomach. I want to bring up the situation insofar as saying something to the effect of, like, "Hey, it's totally cool, normal, expected, for you to check out other people - like for sure. But, it would be awesome if you didn't do it so blatantly in front of me because it low key kind of hurts. Can you be a little more discrete?" My investment in the relationship is pretty low, so I feel like I can kind of cut to chase with this one.
What are your thoughts on this? What responsibility does each person in a relationship have to keep their own and their partner's jealousy in check? When is it too soon to bring something like this up? When is it too late?
Also, for anyone out there that wants to share their enlightened "oh, you need to be more connnfiddennttt in yourself," fuck off with that. People that say that are the least confident people I know. I am perfectly, as most people actually are, confident in myself. But, nobody likes to see a SO, or even a FWB, and everything in between or beyond checking out other people blatantly and with disregard on the regular.
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2020.09.23 01:10 rainbowsdogsmtns Has anyone met a “secondary” partner and then added a “primary” partner?

When my last monogamous ended, I knew I wanted to be non-monogamous. I was briefly in an open relationship, and that went well enough, but we split up amicably about a year and a half ago.
So, I started making the rounds on all the dating apps. Went on some dates, met some interesting people, whatever. Early this year, I met someone I really clicked with. He is in an open marriage. I adore him, and I’m becoming very fond of his wife.
But I’m definitely a secondary partner to him, which I’m good with. I’m still looking for a primary partner for myself. Has anyone ever done things in “that order” before? I’m a fan of overthinking everything, and I work alone, so my brain has tons of time to just turn everything over and look at it 400 different ways. I think I’m mostly freaking myself out, but I’m feeling like I messed up.
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2020.09.23 00:36 malditapapanatas Struggling to know if I’m a 9 or a 4 (long)

Hey all!
Like the title states, I’m currently trying to figure out my enneagram type and I’m having a rough time with it.
For context, I am an INFP female in my early 20s, and have a fearful avoidant attachment style. I‘m very curious to know if my attachment style is the driving force behind some of my actions/fears/needs, and how that relates to my enneagram type as a whole. If anyone is into attachment theory and has an idea and is willing to share, I’d love the insight.
Anyways, when I take the tests, I almost always get 4 as my top answer, then 6, then 9. I don’t identify with 6 much at all, except in regards to the skepticism and anxiety. I sort of identify with 4s in terms of the artsiness and moodiness, but I have a really negative, visceral reaction to the 4 description.
I personally feel really negative about potentially being a 4. I’m about 90% sure my mom is a 4 - and I DESPERATELY do not want to be like her. But I read somewhere that the type you dislike the most is likely the type you are, which scares me lol (no offense to the 4s out there, I promise you guys are lovely)
For 9s, I really agree with the description, and see myself a lot in the disintegration/integration pattern. When I’m able to be productive and establish a routine, I feel like my life falls into place. When I’m stressed out, I’m anxious and withdrawn and I seek my creature comforts. I get lazy and almost depressed and it takes a great deal of mental effort to get out of the cycle.
For anyone interested in tackling this with me, here are some noted traits:
There was always something about her that felt judgmental, like she criticized me and held that criticism over me. Even in my adult life, I feel her judgment. Ex: a few years ago she had a birthday party and I noticed the trash can was full and went to take it out. When I got back my mom kind of looked at me funny, like she was sneering at me. Later that night my SO said when I was out she told him I was showing off.
It hurt me to know that she was judging my movements, and it made me feel paranoid that she saw me as this show-off that needs to be special and wants attention. I feel like my mother projects a lot of her unhealthy mindsets onto me, and I’ve always felt like she was a super unhealthy 4. So maybe I’m just an unhealthy 9 trying to navigate around an unhealthy 4
My best friend as a kid idolized my mom, because my mom was “cool” and “nerdy”. She would spend the night at my house and wake up before me just to hang out with my mom. It was a sense of pride for me, but in retrospect I was really hurt. I felt completely overshadowed by my mom. I felt like I wasn’t fun or interesting as a person. I still really feel that way. Looking back, I think my mom even enjoyed the attention she got from my friends. I think it was a source of pride to be an interesting and unique individual, a contrast from being regarded as just a mother.
I’m not sure what that means for me. I think I can be very very subjective in my perception of myself and the way I handle my feelings, to the point where I have no idea if what I’m thinking about myself is even true.
I hope this all makes sense and isn’t just me over-sharing. I really do have the intention of explaining my conflicting traits, and hopefully it’s not too long-winded for anyone to understand. Just an aside, I am doing therapy to work through my traumas, and enneagram feels like a step in a good direction - if I can just figure out my type. Thanks a bunch in advance if you made it this far :)
Tl;dr I know this is a common mistyping, and would like to know how to differentiate my conflicting 9 vs 4 traits
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